My 11 year old son wants to spend more time with his father and step mum and it hurts.

[Binky55]

Hi there, my 11 year old son and his 9 year old brother spent last weekend at their dads till Tuesday when they were due to come back to me as we had a dentist appointment. When they were dropped off to me shortly after the dentist rang and cancelled. Then much to my surprise my two boys (mainly the 11 yo) kept asking and pleading to go back to their dads till Friday. They also have a 4 yo half brother at home with me and I was upset that they didn't show any interest in being with us for the remainder of the half term. Forward to just now and I called my son to ask what time they're being dropped off and he said when daddy gets home I said well what's the point of you being there when your dads at work and he replied to spend time with our step mum. This mad me angry as this woman has never once shown me any kind of friendliness and has basically ignored me since she came into my boys lives. I don't know what I want to hear but I'm really upset and feeling crap about the whole thing.

Can you try to feel happy that they have two homes where they feel safe and that no matter what the step mother obviously cares for them.

It’s tough for you but overall it sounds best for them

Keep reminding yourself that it’s not personal and everyone is more exciting than Mum.

Your boys know and trust implicitly that you are there and you love them, and that level of trust, love and attachment allows them to be away from you knowing that you will always be there when needed.

It's better than them not liking step mum.

I can imagine this hurts OP.
With feeling like this, I often try to turn it around to a positive. Your DCs have a wonderful home with their Dad and Smum. And a wonderful home with you. They are growing up with so much love.
Give yourself a cuddle, cry if you need too. I'm sure time will heal you.

I think you sound quite childish. You don't like her, so you're pissed off your children don't share your personal dislike.

Last week DS didn't want to come home from his Nan's (namely because he has a TV in his room and I'm "mean" and won't let him have one here ) but I didn't become angry, as you have OP. It's nice my child has somewhere else he loves to be. It's not cool to be stroppy and angry because your young children haven't adopted an irrational dislike to their stepmum.

They like it there. Be happy for them. You're literally complaining that your children are having too nice a time.

Do they like/get on with your dp?

@TooMuchPaper

Do they like/get on with your dp?

Yes they do get on and like my dp very much.

@TwinsandTrifle

I think you sound quite childish. You don't like her, so you're pissed off your children don't share your personal dislike.

Last week DS didn't want to come home from his Nan's (namely because he has a TV in his room and I'm "mean" and won't let him have one here ) but I didn't become angry, as you have OP. It's nice my child has somewhere else he loves to be. It's not cool to be stroppy and angry because your young children haven't adopted an irrational dislike to their stepmum.

They like it there. Be happy for them. You're literally complaining that your children are having too nice a time.

You're right. I am being childish. I need to work on that. I have been done very wrong by my ex and so have our children which is hard to put aside sometimes. But yes I need to look at their over all happiness.

I have been done very wrong by my ex and so have our children which is hard to put aside sometimes.

I bet. But children don't see that, or at least at such young ages. You can hate the guy as much as you like, but the best thing for the children, and their growing up as well rounded individuals, is to be happy and kept out of parental bad feelings.

It's utterly shit when you know you've done all the hard work, and how the other parent has thought only of themselves, then watch your children jump adoringly at them. That "if only you bloody knew" feeling. But they don't. And honestly, it's better for you if they never see it. They probably will one day, as adults. But it won't be exacerbated from being damaged children through parental conflict.

It’s good that they get on with their step-mum.
If, for any reason, they had to live with her you know they’d be happy.
My step-mum was horrible and kept me away from my half siblings. I now have no relationship with them because of her.