Sorry this is going to be long
My 11 year old DD is driving me up the wall and I’m not sure if she needs to be assessed or if I’ve failed somewhere in parenting her.
She will say ‘what?’ While you’re still in the middle of your sentence. Everything has to be repeated, constantly, it’s exhausting. She also seems to not understand basically anything that is said to her, she still struggles with a knife and fork, will eat everything, even tiny things like biscuits, like a hamster with both hands, still makes such a mess eating, like a toddler. When I ask her to hang her clothes up in her wardrobe she’ll hang her tops on the trouser hangers and her trousers on the normal hangers and it’s all messed up even though I’ve shown her how to do it hundreds of times. Or she’ll just stuff it in the bottom of her wardrobe like she can’t be bothered (although she has stopped that now after I explained in detail how that is disrespectful and hurts my feelings as I’ve spent time ironing it etc). I’ve shown her how to angle the shower and where to stand so water doesn’t pour out all over the floor and yet still, every time, the bathroom is a shit-hole when she’s used it. She often gets shampoo and conditioner mixed up so sometimes I have to send her back in to wash her hair properly. It’s like nothing goes in!
She can’t follow a conversation either. She’ll go ‘what? What does xyz mean?’ even though it makes absolutely no sense, xyz will be a completely non-existent word that doesn’t even sound like what’s been said. It’s like she can’t extract information from context.
She can also be quite rude but doesn’t realise and is apologetic when told she’s been impolite.
If she’s asked about anything she’ll over-explain to the point of going off on tangents and missing the point entirely. If asked a direct question she’ll answer a different one. For example, she has food tech today at school so her dad bought her the ingredients over the weekend. I asked her if she needed all of it or specific measurements, and she was confused and said ‘of course I need all of it, why would I not need all of it?’ In a tone that, if said by an adult, would be very condescending. To me it sounded like she thought I’d asked if she needed every item on the list, rather than specific amounts of each item. I’m just so over having to explain myself ALL THE TIME and being spoken to like I’m the idiot. Her comprehension is non existent in conversation but is ok reading at school.
She’s wonderful in lots of ways, she’s a great friend and very funny, loves animals and is a talented artist, but these few things are really taking over the time we spend together and it’s ruining any enjoyment in conversations we have.
I wondered if she’s autistic but she doesn’t struggle with eye contact or personal space, has average grades at school across the board but finds maths hard. She doesn’t have any repetitive body movements or special interests, isn’t bothered by things like labels in clothes. Doesn’t speak in a monotone voice or accent or anything else on the list.
I thought about ADHD but her grades are fine, she has a few interests, likes to try new things but doesn’t go through hobbies like there’s no tomorrow. She’s a little untidy in her room but not a concerning amount.
I wondered about getting her ears checked but she seems to have no issues with things like watching telly and no mention of it in her school reports.
I’m baffled. I haven’t been to the doctors with her yet because I don’t want her to feel like we think she’s a moron and I’ve been keeping tabs on her failings. So I was looking for things I can do first but I feel like I’ve exhausted the internet. If she was 5 it would be a bit easier to talk about her as if she’s not there to a doctor, you know?
What am I missing? I just want to help her 