10yo DD wants to remove pubic hair..

[Chocolateporridge]

... because she hates seeing it and doesn't want to do puberty. She's been fine about the other puberty related changes she's gone through like changing body shape, hairy legs and needing a bra but for some reason this appears to be causing her great anxiety. It's not at all visible when she wears a swimming costume, but she has been plucking it in secret for quite some time. I took away her tweezers and she's been so upset. She is constantly asking for them back and we've had so many conversations about it. She understands that it's natural, that nobody can see it and that I'm happy for her to remove any that would be visible but she says she needs to do it because it gives her confidence. I'm really not against hair removal but I feel that her reasons are wrong, she feels like she can hold back puberty by doing this.
What do I do now?

I'm sorry but I don't think this is your call. As long as she isn't hurting herself she should be able to do as she likes with her body and the hair on it.

She is so young and clearly this is something that is too much for her to deal with. Get her a razor and show her how to shave her bikini line safely. If you don’t she will get a razor somehow and do it and probably really hurt herself. Don’t be unsupportive. This isn’t your decision.

I remember feeling disgusted with my body when the hair came in properly - it made me feel strangely grubby ; hard to explain.
I got over it. I just tried to ignore it.

Doesn't really help you out but I remember the uncomfortable feeling I had over it very well.

Buy her the right equipment. It’s her body

Sorry OP but the first thought I had when I read you took her tweezers off her was "what a bastard". Why would you do that? I understand she's young but she's going through these changes now so you need to deal with it now. Why make her be self conscious and upset about something so easy to deal with??

I speak as a hairy woman. I'm in my 30s now and couldn't give a shit but I was the same as your DD when I was younger. My pubes grow FAR down my legs and I absolutely hated it. I wouldn't even wear a pair of shorts let alone go swimming and always got changed for PE in the toilets because I was mortified.

Don't make your DD go through this too. Give her back her tweezers and either offer to wax her bikini like for her or take her to a salon for it doing. Don't let her shave it as it'll grow back itchy and she'll get ingrown hairs and possibly a shaving rash.

Give her the tools and the confidence to do what she wants to do with her OWN body wether that be removing hair or letting it grow. She is her own person and it isn't your decision to make.

While I agree with other posters about the daughter having autonomy to do what she wants with her body I’d have to wonder where she’s getting the idea having no pubes gives her confidence. Confidence to do what? How can invisible body hair cause lack of confidence if no one else knows it’s there?

I’d be wondering if she’s hearing that kind of guff on social media where shaming women for natural body hair is still rife.

Bless her she must be going through all sorts of changes. Just be gentle with her. If she wants to get rid of it and it will make her feel more comfortable get her some equipment and make sure she knows how to use it safely. I remember being quite young and wanting to get rid of hair on my body and it definitely wasn’t because of “society’s view on natural bodily hair” I just didn’t like it.

If you continue to fight with her then she’ll continue to remove her body hair in secret and potentially hurt herself. Compromise on what she can remove ie just the bikini line and not a full Brazilian. Teach her how to shave safely.

I am surprised that at age 10 she’s more concerned about her pubic hair than leg and armpit hair! I thought she’d worry more about people seeing her hairy legs when she’s wearing a skirt.

@username34512875

Bless her she must be going through all sorts of changes. Just be gentle with her. If she wants to get rid of it and it will make her feel more comfortable get her some equipment and make sure she knows how to use it safely. I remember being quite young and wanting to get rid of hair on my body and it definitely wasn’t because of “society’s view on natural bodily hair” I just didn’t like it.

I agree! Luckily I’m not very hairy and body hair doesn’t grow quickly, but I hate the feel of body hair. I like smooth skin.

Id get her a ladyshave so she doesnt hurt herself and tell her that as much as you think its unneccessary, theyre her pubes and her own body, so its up to her if she wants to remove them

I took away her tweezers and she's been so upset.

This was a genuinely nasty thing to do.

You're expecting a ten year old to fight patriarchal beauty standards and understand the nuanced debate involved where women absolutely shouldn't feel bad if they want to remove body hair or if they don't want to.

You've removed one option from her at an age she feels vulnerable and isn't ready to partake in that debate / self query.

She isn't doing any permanent damage to herself and you've REMOVED her bodily autonomy not empowered her.

Apologise, give her tweezers back and discuss with her in age appropriate way without dictating which outcome she chooses.

She isn't getting filler, she's removing her own body hair.

I don't understand why you would stop her removing her body hair.
I've removed mine all my life. Never understood why anyone wants a load of hair round an area that gets involved with pee and blood.
I recommend this. Used it for years.
www.body4real.co.uk/cleancut-intimate-area-hair-removal-kit-made-in-japan-free-b4r-high-tech-oil/
You need the smaller razor to cut the longer hair and the silver one cuts the remaining stubble. It's amazing. I've never had ingrown hairs or the other stuff people claim you get from shaving either.

I took away her tweezers and she's been so upset.

This was a genuinely nasty thing to do.

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It's honestly not. If I caught my 10 year old, so primary school aged child getting rid of pubic hair I'd be shocked. Even though it is common and I was probably the same at that age. It is shocking because you wonder if they've heard or seen something, or been teased about other body hair

I think Op just took it away whilst she decided how to proceed. Pubic hair can be unpleasant for kids, course, but it's an intimate area, not like leg hair. She may well want to talk to her DD about it before giving her a full grooming kit

@onemorenametry

I don't understand why you would stop her removing her body hair. I've removed mine all my life. Never understood why anyone wants a load of hair round an area that gets involved with pee and blood. I recommend this. Used it for years. www.body4real.co.uk/cleancut-intimate-area-hair-removal-kit-made-in-japan-free-b4r-high-tech-oil/ You need the smaller razor to cut the longer hair and the silver one cuts the remaining stubble. It's amazing. I've never had ingrown hairs or the other stuff people claim you get from shaving either.

Looks interesting! Thanks for the recommendation.

Thanks to everyone for your comments, even the very blunt ones, it's helped me get a better perspective.

For the record, it's not the hair removal that's worrying me, I'd happily show her how to remove hair safely, it's her extreme anxiety about body hair that nobody can see, and her feeling that if she removes it then she can hold back puberty. @GCAutist I think you understand.

She doesn't have any social media accounts, I've asked her if she's seen or read somewhere that she should remove all her pubic hair, or if her friends do it and she says no, it's just something that she does to give herself confidence. We have a very open relationship so I believe her.

Perhaps I should also have mentioned that she picks her skin on her arms until it bleeds and she sometimes pulls her hair on her head out, which added to my concern when I discovered that she'd been doing this.

I didn't snatch the tweezers off her and tell her off, I explained that she could have the tweezers for pulling any stray, visible ones out but that being hairy there is a natural part of puberty and that pulling them out wasn't going to stop it from happening.

After reading the responses I think I'll get her some gentle hair removal cream (shaving always makes me so itchy, that's the last thing she needs) and show her how to use it. We've discussed puberty loads of times and they do at school too, but I've ordered a book called "The Care and Keeping of You" which looks useful to look at together if she wants to.