Food issues

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm worried about how much my DD12 (nearly 13) is eating, I know teenagers eat a lot but shes my eldest so I'm not sure what's normal for this age. She's put on around a stone since lockdown 1 (I obviously don't weigh her but shes clearly much bigger) this has coincided with puberty starting, periods etc so I know that's part of the issue. She's gone from being very slim and athletic to covering up in baggy clothes all the time and I dont want to bring it up in case I make her feel sensitive about it. She's not overweight but probably borderline now and I'm just not sure if her eating is a worry or not.

So yesterday she had cereal for breakfast then two scrambled eggs on toast for brunch when I got home. She snacked on some biscuits then we had noodles with veg and tofu for lunch and then she went to Costa with a friend where she had an ice coffee and a cake. For tea we had sausage, mash and veg (she had a similar portion to me - I'm bf a baby and toddler so I eat a LOT).

Then over the evening from around 7pm until 11 she ate three bags of snack a jacks, two cereal bars, two bowls of cereal, loads of crackers with butter on them, a pot noodle, the last three of the babys mini milks (she doesnt even like them!) a giant share bag of chocolate buttons (must have bought them when she was out) and then got up saying hmmmm what can I eat now? At that point I said "Do you not think you've had enough to eat?" And she flew into a rage, accused me of thinking she was fat and stormed off to bed upset.

I have never ever mentioned her weight but it does worry me as its so much harder to lose than it is to put on and I know she doesnt feel comfortable in herself. She's more active in the school year with after school sports but I do think the amount shes eating is the issue rather than not doing sport over summer. We don't keep junk food in the house at all but we cant have no snacks and the last thing I want is her feeling she has to buy secret food and hide it (she had hidden the chocolate last night until she finished it) Any tips from more experienced mums? I'd be delighted to hear that this is just normal in puberty and shes just having a growth spurt or whatever. I've never been above a size 10 yet I've spent my whole life worrying about my weight and yoyo dieting and I dont want that for her. My sister is overweight and very unhappy and I dont want that for her either! Just need to get this right!

Yesterday’s food is a lot.
Why did she have brunch after breakfast? I would have just called that an early lunch and not given her the noodles dish as well tbh.
Why is she eating the same size portion as you for dinner if, as you say, you eat a lot? If she is eating larger portion sizes then she will get used to needing more food to feel full.
Adding the biscuits, iced coffee & cake as well it was a lot before the huge amount of food she ate last night.
Is she not drinking enough water & confusing the signals? Is she bored so mindlessly eating? Are there any activities she does over the holidays? It could be hormonal I suppose, if she is due to start her periods, or a growth spurt but it would be good to start telling her only one cereal bar or a bowl of cereal not two of each, one ice lolly not 3, so she is still having a snack but reducing the amount. It will start costing a fortune for her to eat double/triple portions.
You say you don’t have junk but all the things she was eating was heavily processed foods & high carb which can trigger cravings & the need for more. Instead of pot noodles, biscuits, crackers, snack a jacks, maybe offer wholemeal toast & peanut butter, plain rice cakes, veg sticks, wholemeal pitta pizza?
DM always said ‘have an apple’ if we wanted extra, if we replied we didn’t want an apple then her response was ‘well you’re not really hungry then’. She was right, we just fancied something we weren’t actually hungry. The craving for something goes after, I think I read, 15 minutes so could she be distracted by a game/activity/nail painting or something if she asks what else she can eat?

www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/lifestages/teenagers.html?start=2

www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/helpingyoueatwell/snacking.html

Sounds like emotional eating. Yesterday’s food is a LOT.
You do need to tread carefully.

What is her water intake like? Is she mistaking feeling hungry for thirst? Is she eating out of boredom?

Shes just come on her period this morning so I think that maybe played a part last night.

We serve food family style usually so I'm not giving her big portions, she's taking them. The meals are generally all healthy and full of veg so dont want to limit them. As for the junk food, the pot noodles are my husbands for work, the ice lollies were left over from the heat wave and the rest is my idea of healthy snacks I suppose - there's always fruit and veg, boiled eggs, salad bits in the fridge and thats what I eat and what I offer the toddler but dd is soooo sensitive I don't want to be commenting all the time on what she eats so I generally let her decide for herself but yesterday when I actually sat there and watched her eat the whole contents of the snack cupboard I thought maybe I'm doing this wrong.

Maybe she is bored - she's seeing friends 2-3x a week, we had a shopping day on Monday and are going to a national Trust place this afternoon so not stuck in. She seems to prefer lying on the couch watching Netflix or listening to music and texting - if anything shes fed up of being asked to go places / do stuff rather than have nothing to do.

I think you're right that shes not drinking enough water so I think I'll get us both a nice new water bottle each and set us a challenge who can drink more water in a day, hopefully that will help without me having to comment on her eating.

My teens can help themselves to one snack or so a day two at the most , it's not a rule but they do need to ask if they want other food. I might be planning to use it for tea or something. I will say no if I think they've had enough.
I think she is comfort and boredom eating and you need to work with her to break that cycle. I agree I would never bring up weight but they are aware of health and it's good to be healthy. You may have to buy less, have nothing in but fruit for a few days, or give them their own weekly snack tub, when it's gone it's gone.
The meals are not a problem, get them to take as much as they want , it's the snacking.