Bedtime help please!

[LouH1981]

Hi all,
Very long story short, my husband and I have suddenly found ourselves providing a temporary foster care placement for my niece (13) and nephew (11).
My own children are 6 and 18 months.
It seems they have had very little routine over the last couple of years and so they both refuse to go to bed at a set time.
My nephew often stays awake until 5am on his PS4 and my niece goes in and out of the bathroom or gets up in the early hours (2am, 3am etc) to get a snack.
I’ve tried speaking to them about going to bed at a set time but they refuse. We were originally very cautious about being too strict because the circumstances are very delicate but they wake my young daughter up at all times and they really need a routine for their own sakes.
My own children are in bed by 8pm or earlier.
But I have no experience at all parenting for this age.
If you have similar aged children what time do they go to bed?
The SW has suggested a phone amnesty at a certain time, is this reasonable and if so, how do you enforce it?
Not having a great deal of help from SS mainly because their SW keeps changing so not a great deal of consistency. Any help would be great please.

I should say that my nephew is currently sleeping in our lounge so when he sleeps in to catch up it means my own children are huddled in the kitchen until he wakes up around midday.
Not so bad when sun is shining as we can go out in to the garden but otherwise very difficult adjustment for my 6 year old especially.

Firstly the kids need to be sleeping in a bedroom. How many rooms do you have?

I would say 8.30 for 11yr old and 9.30 for 13yr old in term time. School holidays we are more relaxed anyway.

However if this a short term thing then maybe you have to go with what they are used to.

@alrightfella
Hi, ok thank you! Yes, I agree with it being the holidays it could be a bit later. Its currently so erratic, I think they do need a better routine.
We have four bedrooms, A double for my husband and I, two box rooms which my son and daughter use and the guest bedroom which my niece uses. It’s not appropriate for any of the children to share so it’s the best arrangement we could come up with.
Once we’ve put our children to bed my husband and I stay in our bedroom to give my nephew privacy.

Could you bring the 18 month old in with you in the short term? Anything so that he doesn't disrupt the rest of the house.

I understand you have been soft but I think it's time to discuss family rules. No way would I let a 11 year old stay up to 5am on a PlayStation. It's needs to be taken away or WiFi turned off before you go to bed. Also shuffle the younger ones maybe to share for now so he can have his own sleep area and you can enjoy your lounge again. At these ages your niece and nephew very much still need rules and routine as it's not fair on everyone.

I think you'll have to put one of yours in with you and your nephew have a box room. I doubt that your nephew will get into a better sleep routine if he stays in the lounge. I would also turn the wifi off overnight.

I too would do what user1 suggests.

Your niece and nephew are at the ages where bedtimes are less strict, and are negotiable, but I do think they should each have a room if they won't share because nephew sleeping in your sitting room is inconvenient for the rest of the family.

As it is only a temporary placement, I think you can suck it up.

It's good of you to do this.

hi there;
Just a suggestion but if you reposted this in Fostering or Adoption there are some regular posters there who might be able to help you with ideas about how to deal with this.

I would agree with them needing a routine but enforcing it could be a challenge!! Also agree to turn the wifi off over night. From 11 maybe?
I would also say I think that your youngest needs to move either in with you or their sibling so the boy can have his own space.
How temporary is this likely to be?

Get your children to share in the larger bedroom and then older kids can have a box room each. I imagine the boy is staying up late so he can have time by himself, giving him is own bedroom will help.

The NHS has a web page which tells you how much sleep kids need by age.

My 11 year old is in bed by 9 in term time. Their screen time needs to be limited. Re: WiFi. I installed a Deco system in our house - it boosts the signal in the house. It's really simple to install and cost about 120. You can set up Profiles for each child by device and set time limits (eg off between 9pm and 7am) or just shut it off. Works a treat with a stroppy 11 year old! Means you can monitor their usage. I see such a difference in behaviour when screen time is limited. But a lot of rage until they get used to it.

I have an 11 year old and a 13 yr old. Lights out at 9.30pm on a school day (up at 7.15am) 10.20pm ish at the weekend (up at 9am ish) dependent if we’ve watched a film. Screens are allowed up to 7.30pm, every day of the week. Then they need to be brought downstairs. DS has his Xbox in his room but wouldn’t dare touch it outside of that time - if he did, he would lose his controllers every evening.

Regarding the snack, if they are hungry then they can have toast or tinned fruit by 9pm, then have to wait until breakfast. They are growing fast at this age and easily eat the same as Dp and I (both kids are about 5ft3).

Did you post in the fostering section @LouH1981 and did you get any more advice in there.

I agree that 11pm in the school holidays is late enough at this age but I don't have any experience of fostering and understand that they might have experienced a period of trauma.