Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

11 year old boy starting to be very grumpy.

11 replies

Imtootired · 10/07/2021 15:37

My lovely little boy is not so little any more and is starting to get very grumpy and moody. He takes so long to do anything, eg brush his teeth and that can lead to me getting cross and then arguments. That’s normal though, I know. What upsets me is the way he speaks to me sometimes, very sarcastically, when I try to correct his behaviour. I sometimes ask what’s wrong and he says in an upset way that he doesn’t know. He’s got a toddler brother who he loves but he just annoys him constantly, without even doing it on purpose, eg taking his toys off him, putting his feet on the baby chair even when his little brother is getting upset. I think it’s puberty hormones giving him pent up energy and emotions but I don’t know how to deal with it for the next few years. I’m a single parent. He has so many lovely qualities but sometimes I can’t stand the way he behaves and I hate the YouTube videos he watches and I think they’re turning him quite materialistic because he’s asking for brand name things. I know it’s a normal phase but I hate it. I’m thinking of becoming much stricter and banning YouTube except for educational stuff. I’ll still let him watch age appropriate tv. And when he gets hyped up or rude and annoying sending him to run a few laps at the oval down the road. Is that horrible? I love him so much and I want to be close to him through his teens but it’s already difficult. I was a nightmare teen and his dad is pretty miserable at the best of times so I think I could be in for a difficult time with him.

OP posts:
Imtootired · 10/07/2021 15:47

Sorry just want to bump this so people can see it. Sorry for the wall of text

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 10/07/2021 17:11

It's a tough age for boys and they are trying to pull away from you a bit and become more grown up. You need to talk to him without getting angry and let him know he can talk to you about anything. I'm not one for banning YouTube or whatever they are into as it's important to their friendships chatting about that stuff. Does he do any sports? It's great for burning off some of that testosterone energy.

Perfectlystill · 10/07/2021 17:12

Mine is just the same! I have no answer I'm afraid but you are not alone.

Imtootired · 10/07/2021 17:40

Thanks for the replies and solidarity. Yes he’s always done a bit of sport and at the moment he’s doing martial arts which he loves. I’m hoping that will set him on the right track for discipline and respect. I got him Marcus Rashford s book ‘You are a champion’ which looks amazing with tips for self esteem and positive advice. We’ve watched a few good shows together lately, like Sweet Tooth, that are exciting and age appropriate. I read the Percy Jackson books to him but lots of nights I can’t when my little one is upset so I’d like to find him some novels he can really get into independently. I think I also need to find some good books about how to raise preteen/teen boys because I’m really struggling and I hate arguing and saying mean things I regret.

OP posts:
Imtootired · 10/07/2021 17:42

And thanks @JaneJeffer you are probably right about him wanting to talk to his friends about YouTube. I’ll have to strictly limit it though because so many of those you tubers are horrible and it’s so addictive and a time suck.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 10/07/2021 17:48

Don't be too hard on yourself either. Arguments are to be expected. As long as you can make up and get on reasonably well for these years you will get through them!

HugeAckmansWife · 16/07/2021 08:33

Oh god me too. I could have written this. My 11yo is just awful at the moment. Rude, entitled, screen based, he lies, takes whole packets of biscuits ex instead of a reasonable portion, piling on weight. I know some of it is hormonal, puberty has hit him early and hard but I'm really dreading the next 6 weeks. Sad but I'm counting the days til he goes to his dad's. He's a 'joy sucker' right now. Most outings or activity is meant with reluctance, indifference or outright refusal. When we go somewhere is constant 'how long are we going to be here', 'can I have' 'I just want..'. Ugh. Sorry, no advice, just solidarity.

BoffinMum · 09/08/2021 19:47

All mine have been a bit like this, it does pass. Once they grow up they apologise. You just have to keep trying and occasionally one or two things will bear fruit.

Bobbi73 · 10/08/2021 23:28

I could have written this. My 11 year old is pretty much awful at the moment, he's grumpy, rude, horrible to his younger brother. Only ever wants to watch YouTube or play games. Any thing he's involved in from playing a game to eating dinner ends up being unpleasant. He is the loveliest, most generous, funny and kind boy underneath it all but it's like a blanket of bad mood has descended on him. I don't know about the best 6 weeks, I'm dreading the next 6 years!

PickleOnk · 24/08/2021 01:52

My DS is 11 and seriously hard work. If it’s on his terms and entirely about him it’s ok ish for that moment. But any other scenario is just hell at the moment.
He stinks, and I do mean stinks but he wears the same clothes every single day. There is no getting them off him at all. When he does supposedly shower you wouldn’t know it. He is rude, inappropriate all the time, says the most sarcastic and horrendous answers to anything and it’s got to the the point of even the simplest request or question turning into such a verbal fight I really am giving up.
I am at my wits end as to how to approach this right now. Do I just let the next year or so pass by or keep trying to teach and / or punish the constant rude behaviour

Maximum71 · 27/08/2021 00:51

Oh my.. thank you - I was just about to post something similar.
Mainly about him sulking.. but all your comments rang true. Sometimes he is the loveliest boy ever and sometimes I want to take his head and bang my knee into it.. (slight exaggeration but you get my drift Grin) he's my full time SS too.. so sometimes wonder if he would act differently if I were his 'real' mum - but reading all the posts I was like: nah he's being totally normal!
Any tips for dealing with his sulking? His mum seems to be a real sulker too .. I don't know her well enough to know if it's true but my sources are pretty reliable.

Do I have ignore him when he's ignoring me? Do I give him a taste of his own medicine or is that too childish ?
He also knows it all and talks to me as if I'm simple... I do have grown up girls and they never sulked - they did talk to me as if I were stupid sometimes but that phase passed.. thank godWink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page