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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

First mobile phone

12 replies

Snappyteabread · 06/07/2021 14:53

Thinking ahead to buying my child their first mobile phone. What should I have in place, what rules, what apps are there to track usage (if I want to do that), basically please tell me everything I need to know, what to avoid, what have you learned? I want them to have a phone but nervous of how best to approach this, how much freedom to give them, how much to police usage etc. It's a minefield I have nothing to relate to given I was in my 20s before I got my first phone.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 06/07/2021 14:57

We get ours a really basic smart phone and tell them that if they look after it, it might get upgraded after 12 months. So far, this seems to have stopped them taking for granted expensive phones and losing or breaking them. DD went on a school trip in Y7 and 2 DC lost phones that were £1k and one other one broke his.

We also insist on having the password and checking it from time to time.

No SM at that age and see if you can link it up to a family account or have restrictions, so that it's going off at a reasonable time at night.

"what 3 words" is a useful app fir them to have because you can go and pick them up, even if they're not sure where they are.

Snappyteabread · 06/07/2021 17:33

@BunnyRuddington

We get ours a really basic smart phone and tell them that if they look after it, it might get upgraded after 12 months. So far, this seems to have stopped them taking for granted expensive phones and losing or breaking them. DD went on a school trip in Y7 and 2 DC lost phones that were £1k and one other one broke his.

We also insist on having the password and checking it from time to time.

No SM at that age and see if you can link it up to a family account or have restrictions, so that it's going off at a reasonable time at night.

"what 3 words" is a useful app fir them to have because you can go and pick them up, even if they're not sure where they are.

Thank you. All good tips
OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 11/07/2021 08:25

I came here to ask the same question. Do you go payg or contract?
DS is desperate for a phone I'm thinking bunging a sim in one of the old phones we have in the house.

I don't understand payg being basically a monthly fee vs a sim only contract.

KibeththeWalker · 11/07/2021 08:34

DS (11) is on a capped contract with Tesco Mobile. He has a set amount of data and it does not allow him to go over that, so no surprises. I have the insurance offered by Tesco where they will replace a lost/ broken handset no questions asked.

In terms of rules, we have: not in the bedroom at night, not at the table, parents allowed to access at any time.

He has whatsapp, imessage and discord. We read all SM very regularly. I do not allow snapchat.

Lockdownbear · 11/07/2021 08:36

Thanks I'll look at Tesco

Tiredandbored · 11/07/2021 08:41

When we were at the same stage as you OP we bought a very basic phone which gave the security of being able to get in touch in an emergency but had no frills. It allowed them to learn to look after it, charge it etc. We laid down rules at that stage - no phone in bedroom, I'm allowed to access it to check messages etc - which made it easier when we transitioned to a better phone as those rules were already established.

I would suggest strict rules to start with - it is easier to ease off and allow more use of the phone than it is to tighten up rules that are too lenient.

NoPinkPlease · 11/07/2021 08:43

The cheapest oldest refurbished iPhone I could buy off ebay. It was £100 I think but the key thing is that if you're also on iPhone you can share things and track really easily. So also depends what you have if you want them to link together. Also get really robust case and screen protector. Ive been gobsmacked neither of mine have lots theirs yet and the oldest has had one for 3 years.

justwinginglife · 13/07/2021 13:17

@Lockdownbear

I came here to ask the same question. Do you go payg or contract? DS is desperate for a phone I'm thinking bunging a sim in one of the old phones we have in the house.

I don't understand payg being basically a monthly fee vs a sim only contract.

I did this - DD had my old phone when I had an upgrade (pretty decent iPhone). I got a pay and go sim, one where if you top up £10 a month you get unlimited texts, calls and a certain amount of data. My DD is 11 and I hardly ever top up her phone. The majority of the time she is connected to wifi - iMessage, WhatsApp, FaceTime etc are all through WiFi and she only really needs credit if she's out with her friends at the park or anywhere without wifi.

At the moment I have no intentions of getting her a monthly contract

mariebaby3 · 18/07/2021 05:59

My DD (12) has always had my hand me down phones but they’re always pretty top of the range still as I upgrade regularly, I then pay £10 for a sim only contract with 12gb of data.

at the moment she has an android so we use Family Link. This lets me set bedtime limits, app usage limits, all apps are approved by me before download and I can lock it remotely and track her location via GPS if needs be. She has WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat and Tiktok but I have all her passwords. I stay logged in to her Instagram so I get notifications of friend requests and messages but for snap and tiktok I just do random spot checks - she knows this is part of the deal of her having a phone and social media.

The first couple of years the phone always stayed downstairs, now that she’s nearly 13 she’s allowed it in her room.

annababbie · 29/07/2021 13:54

We gave ours our old iPhones and got a parentshield sim cards for them both, absolutely brilliant. I cannot reccoment them enough parentshield.co.uk

daisyjgrey · 31/07/2021 14:28

My daughter had an iPod touch at 6, which she could imessage and facetime me on because I'm a single parent and the couple of days when she is with her dad, I work away. It really helped the transition that I could message her and she could send me pictures.

She's just turned 11 and earlier this year I got her an iphone on contract. It's insured but is also in one of those bomb proof cases (I use the same brand, I've a habit of dropping them in toilets...).

She uses whatsapp to talk to me, family and a couple of her friends. We had a big chat about TikTok, she had been asking for a long time and it's quite a big part of kid culture at the minute. We came to a compromise that she could have an account, but she had to have a private profile, could only accept people she knows, checks with me before she follows people and she isn't allowed to have her face in the profile picture or name in the handle. She also has Snapchat, but she only has me and her bestfriend on there and it's mainly used between us to use silly filters. Snapmaps is off.

I have an app called Find My Kids, you have that on your phone and you download the paired app on the child's phone called Pingo. It will show you where your child is, movement in real time and how much battery their phone has left. It also has a messaging function and an override so that if she's panicking or needs me urgently, she can press a button and an alarm goes off on my phone with her location, even if my phone is on silent. I thought it would need a bit of work convincing her to have it but she had zero problems with it. It'll stay on there until it becomes an issue, then we'll review.

She knows I have access to her phone whenever I need it and will leave it here while she's at school etc.

I think you have to judge how you approach this on an individual child level, I decided to have lots of conversations and be really open about social media and the pitfalls/warning signs and educate her. She knows that if anything makes her suspicious or upset or uncomfortable she can show me and I'll help deal with it without there being any chance that she'll get told off.

There's a benefit of pre teens having phones which didn't occur to me until it happened and that is if your child has a tendency to be a bit shy or not want to talk about something face to face, they will often feel much more comfortable messaging you about it. It has helped a couple of times when she's had body related questions that she hasn't known how to bring up face to face.

m0therofdragons · 05/08/2021 21:03

2nd hand iPhone as I’m on an iPhone so I find it easier to link.

Mine only have WhatsApp and no other social - Dd is about to enter year 9 so that will probably change but she understands my concerns. I can check phone any time - this isn’t so I can spy or discipline, it’s so I can see if she needs support/guidance. She only uses her phone downstairs and it’s not allowed upstairs except with permission (I feel this reduces the likelihood of googling things she shouldn’t - although she has and we’ve dealt with it). It goes on a docking station at bedtime.

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