10yo DD and body image

[Deliaskis]

I hoped I would never have to post this, but it has happened, DD who is 10 (yr5) has started to talk about how she thinks she is fat. She isn't. She's above average height for her age and pretty athletic in shape. No tummy to speak of. She has a small appetite generally and we occasionally speak about healthy eating choices and exercise, but not a lot.

So I don't know where it has come from. She says when she sits down her tummy looks fat....it doesn't. She's a pretty much perfect shape and size, below 'average' weight for height on the NHS charts so nowhere near even the upper part of 'healthy weight'. I am conscious (and so is she) that her body is starting to change, and part of that will likely be curves.

We only talk of being and staying healthy, not being skinny or thin or even slim. I have asked her if there is anything she wants to change, in terms of food or activity, and she doesn't really seem to. She does plenty....swimming, netball, school PE, and we have a pony so she is outdoors and active almost all the time.

Anyone any experience of this and things that helped them to understand and feel more confident? How do I not screw this up?

Hi OP, I have had exactly the same recently with my 11 year old dd (yr 6). She has been saying the same thing about being fat. does your dd have friends at school that are very thin? MY dd has two friends, one in particular who is extremely thin (looks underweight with very thin legs) but probably has a very high metabolism/genetically made that way.

I explained to my dd that everyone is made differently and how it is important to have a balanced diet and exercise. We talked about there being people who can eat as much as they like but burn fuel more quickly so they can be extremely thin and that she is unique and we can't compare ourselves to others because we are all different. We talked about genetics and a healthy diet and it being important to be healthy.

We had a quick look on the internet about calories and suggested calorie guidelines for her age and when we went to the supermarket we quickly looked at a few labels which she she actually quite enjoyed. We also discussed the importance of having treats now and again and enjoying food.

We talked about airbrushing of photos and them not being realistic too. My dd has chosen to eat more healthily and do a little more exercise off her own back and we do that together. It seems to have worked for her but I am keeping an undercover eye on her eating just in case any issues arise. so far so good. It is so difficult at this age when they compare themselves to people on the internet and friends.

I have found that having open conversations about it (like chats really) and a mixture of some education around healthy eating has worked well for my dd.

Thanks for replying @gonnabeok , what you have said is really helpful and some of it really resonates. I would like her to start to develop a bit more ownership maybe, around healthy eating and exercise, as at the moment it is all provided and arranged for her, and I know entering teenage years they have more independence and need to have some understanding and ownership of that themselves.

Yes this is my dd aged 10 too. Again slim athletic build but starting to develop curves. I try to focus on healthy and strong bodies. Look at gymnasts and other strong looking sports women. And definitely talk about air brushing. It's so scary though

I am having the same issue with my DD8 soon to be 9. Her school friends have a different body shape to my DD, they are very slim tiny legs where my daughter is extremely tall for her age 4ft8 and is the average weight for her height, she rides ponies every day and is very active as she has 3 to ride, swims runs etc but she is an athletic build and is always saying her legs mainly thighs are big, her tummy is big where as in reality she is in proportion. She is developing and becoming more curvaceous.. At the moment I am deflecting the attention when raised by explaining how everyone is different and some people will just naturally be slimmer. I explain that her body is how it is as she uses different muscles when riding so she will have toned thighs but they are not fat thighs. I am dreading the next few years as it is all very much centred around looks and image. When I was 8 I was happy enough playing at the park and coming home all muddy from playing on the rope swing.
No really suggestions but I am always showing my DD positive images of role models that are not to do with social media, ie athletes, horse riders as I do think social media plays a massive part.