Year 7 - is this sexual harassment?

[flumox1978]

My daughter attends an all girl's school in the area. A girl has got a crush on her and for the last few weeks has been following her around. My daughter feels quite upset my the attention. recently this girl has started sending her notes. The note that really upset my daughter said 'milk me'.

My daughter has told the girl to leave her alone, that she is not interested. My advice to her had been to laugh it off and not make too much of it. But last night we had a lot of tears. Especially over the note. She doesn't want to go to school on Friday as they are celebrating Pride a d she thinks it will look bad if she is rejecting this girls advances. We're not quite sure what to do next.

My daughter is now going to go in strongly and tell her it is making her feel uncomfortable.but should I get involved and tell the school?

I feel a bit shocked she's going through this in year 7. My daughter is quite old fashioned and innocent ... not into relationships and sexuality. She just wants to watch Harry Potter, make wands out of twigs and read books. It's getting her - and me - down.

Any advice would be welcome. Should I go to the school? Will it make matters worse? Thank you.

I would talk to the school. An adult would need help with this (unwanted, and continuing, attention) in the workplace and a child should t have to navigate it alone. I’d say it’s sexual harassment.

Yes it is sexual harassment. You should intervene by contact with the school , the girl’s parents need to be informed and involved.

Speak to tutor or HoY.

Take the note to the head of year

Definitely speak to the school - pastoral care perhaps? I had to do the same with my daughter when a girl became too overt. Personal boundaries were being crossed and my DD was having to become quite rude in order to brush her off. She was getting upset and also worried that her rejection of her would get her in trouble. I said it didn’t matter what sex a person is - if they are persisting in bothering you after you’ve politely told them you’re not interested then it’s harassment. That note sounds very much like it’s crossed a line. Say something now before it escalates. The girl needs to learn what’s appropriate too and the school should be able to handle it sensitively.

Yes it’s sexual harassment. Talk to the school

Your daughter doesn’t want to look bad because it’s Pride week? I’d also have a word about personal boundaries and people pleasing. I also think you shouldn’t have told her to play it down, if I’m honest.

Yes of course it's harassment. If she was in a mixed school and a boy was behaving towards her in the same way would you feel any differently?
Speak to the school; she shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

Your daughter doesn’t want to look bad because it’s Pride week? I’d also have a word about personal boundaries and people pleasing. I also think you shouldn’t have told her to play it down, if I’m honest.

I agree.

And remind your daughter that if she's worried about being labelled homophobic, you are in fact treating people equally regardless of their sex or sexuality by informing the school and demanding action is taken - because that's exactly what you would do if a boy was sexually harassing her. Hopefully?

The notes sound sexually aggressive and really unsettling. Your poor girl, how horrible to be not only harassed but also to be worried she will be labelled by peers as nasty for rejecting the advances of someone.

Remind her if a boy was doing this she shouldn't hesitate to tell you and you shouldn't have hesitated to report it to support her - that you should have done the same despite it being a girl and now realise that having thought about it more. It might help her to see you have worked through it in your head and come to that realisation.

It's dangerous to tell girls that if someone is persistently making advances despite it not being mutual, they should laugh it off and make light of it. Because it's not funny and it is serious. Girls don't owe anyone 'nice' if their boundaries are being disregarded and their wishes dismissed.

Definitely tell the school; yes it's harassment. They may also want to investigate what has happened to the other girl to make her behave this way.