Very shy DS 10

[Crazycrazylady]

Just wondering has anyone any advice for me. My ds1 has always been a little 'awkward" socially. Hard to put my finger on exactly but I think today after he mentioned being afraid to talk to boys in another class it dawned on me that I think he is very shy. Finds it hard to make small talk but is generally ok one on one with people he knows well. He doesn't have a huge gang of friends in school and definitely no bestie.
I'm torn between trying to 'help him' or just embrace the person he is.
He would like to be more social I think
Any advice from wise mumsnetters

I don't know about wise, but I'd say it's very normal for DC to go through a shy phase at about this age or a little later. I think there's a lot of variance in maturity of children at about the same age (some will be going through puberty etc and some will be miles off) and they can easily find themselves a bit out of step with their peers or simply lack social skills that they'll pick up naturally further down the line. Covid surely won't have helped either so I'm sure there are lots of children in the same boat right now.

Some will go on to be shy adults after being shy children, some won't, but I think the important thing is whether it's upsetting or worrying him right now - it's hard to tell from your post, when he says he's 'afraid' did he mean that in a way that it worries and distresses him that he's not able to, or just that it's not something he's very confident? If he's largely happy, not unduly worried about his shyness then I wouldn't particularly worry, you can subtly do lots of things to help him with friendships like encouraging his hobbies and interests, giving him opportunities to interact with a range of other DC particularly outside school, modelling good social skills etc but I wouldn't more actively intervene for risk of making him feel there's something 'wrong with him' - it's totally fine to not be the super popular, social butterfly type person and to prefer the company of close friends, plenty of people are that way their whole life and perfectly happy with it after all...

Max
Thanks for your comprehensive answer. He definitely lacks confidence in speaking to people. He would never bound up to someone and start chatting away.. I just wonder with secondary school looming, should I be doing something to try and help him .
He often here's me chatting to strangers in a shop and would say in amazement 'how did you do that'