How extreme are your tweens mood swings?

[Strawberry33]

How extreme are they and how long do they last? What small things can trigger them?

I’m seriously concerned my son is severely mentally ill. :-(

How old is a tween?
My 12yr old is sweet & lovely, sorry.

My 16 year old has quite varied moods. Nice as pie when she wants something but very mean if she’s told she can’t do something. We are going thru ADHD and ASD assessments via CAMHS.

How old is your teen? Why do you think that?

My sons would have quite dramatic mood swings - screaming /shouting to tears - probably from aged 13/4 to about 16. I’m pleased to say both are very well balanced young adults now

Hi guys he is 11.5. He is almost always angry and this happened suddenly. He can snap over literally anything. I got him some private counselling in the hopes he could say if something is going on but he doesn’t. He is super sensitive. He was never like this and was brilliant behaved and very chill as a child. This started during lockdown one before secondary school and has sort of slowly got worse despite me trying everything.
When he’s angry he will stamp around kick stuff and say nasty things. He will then feel ashamed after. I deal with it extremely calmly but it’s so hard living on eggshells.

This sounds familiar except for the kicking stuff. My daughter changed after she turned 13, it’s like a switch flipped. Things got worse over the years hence us where we are now with CAMHS. We tried counselling too. Now we are at the stage where DD self harms . She doesn’t lash out in front of us, but in private. I can’t say my response to all of this has always been calm as it’s very difficult to handle the nasty comments and rude attitude. I could clearly learn a thing or two here...

Hope you can get to the bottom of things quickly .

Mime is 12. He's pretty bad. He can start crying and squealing at the drop of a hat. He's always been a bit highly strung though.
Recently hes started hitting furniture when he gets really frustrated.
It is a bit concerning but he's really struggling with one learning. He was just told he was dyslexic before lockdown and when they went back to school (first year of high school) he really wants given any help at all. I have spoke to them, but they kind of just shrug it off.
We don't really go anywhere obviously, sk the only interaction he gets with friends is through gaming, which gets them wound up anyway.
I think atm it's just a mixture of hormones, being stressed about school work and being so isolated. He's refused to dk any school work since Monday.

Hi, my son is almost 13. He has always been a little socially awkward and we do our best to help him with this but he denies there is any issue. A couple of weeks ago he came through to me at 11:30pm in tears, and over the next couple of hours tried to explain to me how he feels: can't trust any of his friends, can't be himself because people won't like him, wants to hurt himself, feels scared and anxious, can't relax/sleep. He seemed better for the next week, I kept a close eye on him, but he appeared again in my bedroom about a week later, not quite as upset but visibly anxious. Then last night during dinner I needed to have a word with him and my 14 year old daughter and it ended in me getting cross, but nothing major. 10 mins later my daughter came down saying that her brother had locked himself in the bathroom, was crying and saying that he wanted to kill himself. Result: both kids extremely upset. We both sat with him and managed to calm him down, daughter was so good with him which is amazing as they usually argue all the time. I feel it's a mixture of hormones, poor self esteem and then multiplied hugely by lockdown isolation. I've explained that we need to find ways for him to cope with his feelings even if he doesn't understand them right now. My daughter now wants me to hide anything that he could use to hurt himself.
I just wanted to reach out and ask for advice really - what can I do to help him? He's open to the idea of counselling but I also want to help. I'm very calm with him so I think, because I got cross last night he wasn't used to it and it triggered his emotions and because he didn't know how to deal with it, he over reacted. I just want them both to be happy, lockdown is really having an impact.

My Son has just recently started with the screaming throwing things. Not sure what exactly triggers it. Its after something small like not wanting to help with jobs but think it's an outlet of other issues. Missing his friends and he started a new secondary school with no friends. Lockdown isn't helping and it's just me and him in our home so when I'm feeling off or a bit fed up he seems to really notice and it effects him. He is almost 12. I'm hoping this is normal pre teen behaviour. He will throw a book slam his door and say nasty things/shout.

OP my son used to get anger rages. I was concerned about his mental health for a while. I think it was due to testosterone levels. He went into puberty early but thankfully finished early. Even though he had those anger bursts quite young, he was a lovely teen and is nearly 18 and so nice natured. Hormones are evil

Errr well we just had a run in and husband is settling things now as I'm angry
Dd age 6 was doing her mindfulness with music in bed drifting off with cat on her bed
Dd aged 11 (was 11 in jan) walks in strokes cat demanding to know where her new pen has gone as apparently dd 6 had it. So I was annoyed as it is late anyways. Both dd look for it. Then eldest starts shouting and dragging youngest even though I've told her not to (she said she needs be in bed) youngest falls and bangs her head on side of door because eldest was shouting and pulling. Over a pen. So to I have shouted screamed and took all tech from her.

Thanks lurcherlove, did he say it was impossible to control? X

My daughter is ten and is suddenly like this, she is definitely hitting early puberty. She will just go into a rage also and then sob. I have had a chat to her about what changes will happen to her body and also how it can affect her moods. I think this is important as sometimes it helps just knowing why they feel so bad.

Just reading this has made me cry and I am so sorry for all of you going through this

I am really worried about DS 11.5 at the moment. He is clashing with DH so often and last week got a debit at school (first ever) and it just kicked off

He's usually so sensitive anyway but is having angry meltdowns and talking about not wanting to be in this family then 2 mins later he's all lovely

Starting at secondary school then lockdown and I think starting puberty hormones - he's just not coping and I want to help him so much

Causing issues between me and DH as he thinks he's 'playing me' and is getting shoutier
He possibly is sometimes, but I am genuinely worried about his mental health

Advice welcome (or hopeful stories about coming out the other side ok)

Even reading and posting has helped

Puberty? Combined with lock down etc?

It's really hard for kids at the mo.

Mine (girls) both went into it young (8.5) and the hormones were a rollercoaster that they did not know how to handle.

Give him some tools. I mean I'm no expert but if I were you I'd say.
When you feel getting into that frame of mind drop what you're doing an go for a walk/run. Listen to music. Let of steam. Whatever he likes. Get away from the house where it's claustrophobic.

Remember he also takes out his frustration etc on you because he knows you love him. That's why parents always get the worst.

NOT to say it is acceptable for him to shout and swear at you.

What's your family life like? Are you all together or have alone time type people. Are there set things he has to do at set times at home?

I know it's not the same (age, sex) but my DDS felt really confused by how they were feeling. So I told them that was ok and we understand and normal etc. Punch a pillow if angry. Tell us if feeling sad etc.

Is he getting plenty of space?

Thanks @NiceGerbil

We have times we do thinks together - some days meals, some days tv and then other times apart
DH & I have started walking on a weekend, mostly the 2 of us. DS comes occasionally but mostly stays at home with his sister

I find it hard when DH compares them - they are not the same and DS almost always comes off worst in the behaviour/effort stakes. Maybe it will change but DD is currently doing really well at school and she's quite helpful sometimes. DS can be less grumpy, quicker to apologise and more loving in general. He is clever, but he is more doing the minimum required to get on, DD over-eggs it.

We have looked at Orange Rhino for a list of tools to tackle anger and upset and they can work but his switch can flick fast

Sometimes his mouth speaks and his body acts before his brain catches up

I need DH to be better at drawing a line under things too and not constantly revisiting bad things. I am more glass half full and try and focus on the good stuff as I don't see any point in lengthening a horrible atmosphere! Deal with it - move on!

Good suggestions for him getting out more which is getting easier with lighter nights/warmer weather