So worried about DS 11 lack of friends/contact

[frostymornings]

DS has never been that confident making friends and has only managed to make a couple of friendships since starting Senior school, now he sits at a screen all day without seeing or chatting to anyone, he has no one he knows well enough to play online with, I just feel he's disappearing into the world of YouTube and gaming on his own. I know its the same for everyone, I know it could be so much worse, but I'm worried about him.
I try and do fun things with him and go for walks etc but I'm his mum and no substitute for proper friendships. I also know he will eventually get through this but I am sad for him now.
Jus wanted to vent really.

What about mates from primary?

I do have to nudge my DS to reach out and when he does he feels so much better for it.

Also cousins etc? Sometimes a “safer” contact can be good. We have had lots of success playing bingo and quizzes with family and family friends with kids of various ages x

No cousins. His good friends went to the other main Senior School. He has tried to reach out a couple of times to the friends he started to make but they don't reply and it all gets a bit disheartening.

I feel the same - my DD isn’t hugely confident, but has made a really nice group of friends at secondary school (it seems so, anyway - haven’t been able to have them round to meet them because of Covid). Seems such a shame that she’s not able to develop those friendships in normal circumstances. Hard to know what to suggest other than Zoom etc.

@NataliaOsipova

I feel the same - my DD isn’t hugely confident, but has made a really nice group of friends at secondary school (it seems so, anyway - haven’t been able to have them round to meet them because of Covid). Seems such a shame that she’s not able to develop those friendships in normal circumstances. Hard to know what to suggest other than Zoom etc.

I just think socially this is hard on our kids. And I don't want to keep mentioning it because it just makes it worse.

No - it feels like it’s rubbing it in a bit, doesn’t it? There’s only so many times you can say “why don’t you FaceTime Katy?” before it sounds like you’re nagging! Really difficult.

@NataliaOsipova

No - it feels like it’s rubbing it in a bit, doesn’t it? There’s only so many times you can say “why don’t you FaceTime Katy?” before it sounds like you’re nagging! Really difficult.

Yes exactly. Thanks for understanding, it helps

It’s helpful for me to be able to discuss it too - so thanks for starting the topic, @frostymornings. The only consolation I have is that everyone is in much the same boat; it’s very unlikely that others are making and developing firm friendships in this time while our kids aren’t. Hopefully when they get to go back to school they’ll at least be able to face that in school/face to face contact, even if they still can’t meet up outside school for parties, outings etc. I’m also thanking my lucky stars that they’re not in an exam year or at university - I really feel dreadfully sorry for that cohort, who really will lose some formative years.

Completely agree @NataliaOsipova
I'm telling myself he has years ahead of him to make those friendships, and he is safe and loved here with us.

This was us in last years lockdown w ds2. Lost touch w primary friends, secondary friendships still to tentative to make contact.

It worked out fine, friendships got picked up when school restarted and this year he's more likely to take the initiative and get in contact (11 year old boys generally arent much good at this despite the phone fixation).

Try not to worry too much.