11 year old eating issues

[Newman2018]

Hi,
Not sure if this is the right board for this.

I have an 11 year old daughter and her eating habits are not good. She’s got herself into a vicious circle of behaviour and I’m not sure how to stop it.

Compared to her class mates she’s a bit overweight. Not hugely but she’s definitely larger than her friends. She won’t eat ‘proper’ meals and definitely has a sweet tooth. I’m separated from her mum but the behaviour is the same at her mum’s house.

She’ll graze if I give her the chance and just go round cupboards looking for snacks. I’m careful not to buy too many now to stop that. I’ve got her to have a proper breakfast (cereal) but that’s as far as I can go. I may get her to have a cheese sandwich for lunch and evening meals are almost non existent. She thinks she is fat and tries to avoid eating to address that despite us saying that a healthy diet and exercise is better. She doesn’t like many foods which makes shopping very difficult. She’s definitely a vegetable and fruit dodger (although will have ‘Innocent’ kids smoothies).
She drinks gallons of milk to compensate the lack of food. I’ve tried to get her off this. I’ve moved to skimmed milk to reduce how much fat she’s having and I’ll just let the milk run out and have to use coffee mate or something for my drink (yuk).
Her 8 year old brother is fine and I have no problems catering for him.
Any ideas? We (me and my ex) have let this drag on too long and I’m sure she’ll have development problems if she doesn’t eat properly soon. You name it, she won’t eat it.

Firstly, I'd swap back to full day milk. It's only 3% fat and it will keep her feeling fuller.

Do you think that she may have sone self esteem problems? 11 can be a tricky age. Either they are getting more curvy or they can be putting on more weight before they start puberty. Do you think she'd like this book?

If you're worried about her fruit and veg intake, there are a few simple things that might help. Would she have some fruit in her cereal? If she likes milk could you blend a banana into a glass of milk to make a milkshake? My kids love this. If you've got some berries in the freezer you can Chuck those in too. Adding slices of tomato to the cheese toastie?

How's your diet too OP? Do you eat plenty of fruit and veg? Do you all sit down to an evening meal?

Another thing that might work is saying that you want to do the C25K in the New a year but you need her encouragement to come with you. She might like spending some time with just the two of you together.

*full fat milk

Thanks for your message Jingle.

It's entirely possible she has self esteem issues and she has been comparing herself to all the other girls in her (new secondary) class. I know she thinks she's fat and her approach to lose weight is to skip meals and then snack when she wants to.

Thanks for the ideas, I think I should buy a blender, it's worth a try. My diet? It's ok, not awful and not perfect but I do try. I also try my best to get them all at the table for dinner, no gadgets etc. It's a struggle sometimes but important I think.
The book looks good but she won't eat any of the ingredients mentioned. I need a cook book for an extremely fussy eater!

She does run already (sort of). Her mum is a keen (obsessed?) runner and in a club and she goes with her every week. I run and am sub 30min for a 5k but have no interest in joining a club. I worry that the club, which is full of ultra fit people, may give my daughter bad experiences as they don't tend to be the place for people starting out, more for seasoned runners. I must try and get her out for a run/walk when she is with me but then there's my son (8) as well and its hard to get them both out, with different speeds etc.

The milkshake idea is good and I'll have to get some recipes to load it up with fruit.

I'd try the classic 'get her involved more in food' idea. Maybe buy a food magazine rather than look at recipe books as they are less daunting. Let her see if there is anything she likes the look of and cook it together.

Start buying goods that she might not have tried, especially fruit. Pomegranates are a good one. They don't look like fruit at all.

That's a good idea, thanks. Cooking together would be good, we haven't really ever done anything more than baking cookies etc.

Get her more involved with what she is eating..
Could you maybe sit down with her and do a meal plan.
Let her help choose what you are eating.
Get her involved in cooking.
Maybe offer fruit instead of snacks.
Put little bowls of cucumbers or something on the table at lunch and dinner.
Maybe make healthier snacks.
Banana pancakes... popcorn..flapjack ect

I would lake her to the GP.

This is a good cookbook.I started mine off by letting them choose a recipe then cooking it together.

As for getting them both out running, could your DS go on a bike or scooter if he's a little slower? Long walks are also good. We have lots of snow at the moment so mine have both been sledging and building snowmen. It gets them out

Forgot to mention the blender, I do ours in a basics handheld blender from Sainsbury's. My last one lasted over 20 years. There's no need to buy a fancy one, unless you want to

The scooter is definitely a good idea for my son. A cheap blender is also a good idea🙂

I’ve tried getting her to write down a list of things she likes In the past but she seems to now not like half the things on that list. I’d like to get her more involved but she either isn’t interested or just seems to not want to get involved.
Add to this the typical 11 year old temperament, I know that she has to be on board and I can’t nag too much as it results in a tantrum or something. I’ve suggested a trip to the GP but what will they do in practice?

I also know that I was a really fussy eater at that age and so I am sympathetic. I’m aware though that young girls can have all sorts of eating issues for all sorts of reasons but I’m worried that it’s going to affect her physical development.

I also know that I was a really fussy eater at that age and so I am sympathetic. I’m aware though that young girls can have all sorts of eating issues for all sorts of reasons but I’m worried that it’s going to affect her physical development.
Mi haven't got any experience of eating disorders, well apart from DD being super fussy.

There's a Eating Disorders Section on MN. It might be worth posting in there to see if the posters in that section think it's an Eating Disorder and what you can do.

One other thing that works with my DD is not being given a choice. So if I say do you want to come for a walk the answer is no. If I give her notice and say "tomorrow morning we are all going for a walk at 10am, make sure you're up and had breakfast" she will usually come.

Thanks - just found the eating disorders section. I’ll have a look and see if anything matches her behaviour.

Yes I must say getting her outside now to do anything is really difficult. Have to keep trying though. I like how you say make sure you are up and have had breakfast. I’ve realised now that I have to let her think to do these things now rather than doing everything for her.

She might like these berry pancakes for breakfast. We use frozen blueberries but you can use any. Could you have a go at making them together? My DC usually scoff them as soon as they're out of the pan