Sneaking food and lying

[paintedpanda]

I have a 10yo DD who has a terrible sweet tooth. She has recently gotten into a habit of sneaking food and eating them in her bed. It's always "nice" foods like chocolate and biscuits, but we've also found jars of honey and jam that she has taken and eaten from the jar. She leaves the wrappers hidden in her bed which is how we catch her, but then she lies about it, despite the fact we have the evidence in front of us.

I don't know what to do. We have removed all of the treat food (she got loads for Christmas) and locked them away for now, but this has to be a short term solution. I'm really concerned about this behaviour. She isn't overweight but she's on the heavier side of healthy, and since I am overweight I don't want her to struggle the way I do. She isn't deprived. She has some sort of sweet pudding each night after dinner so it's not like she never has these things. Does anybody have any advice please?

I did this at that age and my parents ignored it (or weren’t aware) and it led to a lifetime of a terrible relationship with food verging on a serious eating disorder in my late teens. I don’t know exactly what help is needed as I wasn’t given it but I would say it needs nipping in the bud now. Trip to the gp?

Personally, I wouldn't lock away her Christmas treats. I'd perhaps mention that these things are nice in moderation and leave it at that. Christmas treats are just once a year after all.

Thank you. An unhealthy relationship with food is exactly what I want to avoid.

I wouldn't usually have locked away her Christmas treats but she really did get so much and, given the chance, she just wouldn't stop. I've locked away her brothers too, and all of the biscuits, crisps, and snacks we have in. It was DS chocolate coins we've found in her bed this time so I couldn't just leave his out. We found 4 empty packets of biscuits (not 4 individually wrapped biscuits, but whole packets like bourbons and ginger nuts) in her bed a few weeks ago.

The lying I can just about manage. She cries when she gets caught out so I know when she's lying, but she swore blind to DP that she hadn't hidden anything this time.

I'd have a read of this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust.

When my DS was eating a lot of rubbish I read the guide appropriate for his age and adjusted his meals slightly. The overeating of rubbish stopped by itself although I'm really not sure why.

Does she have a good multivitamin and mineral supplement everyday too as this can cut down the overeating?

@JingleJohnsJulie I've had a look at this, based on your recommendation, and its such a good guide. Thank you

I've had a look at this, based on your recommendation, and its such a good guide. Thank you.

No problem. I'm just glad that someone found it as useful as we did

I did this as a child/teen. My mum had issues with food (obese herself) and was trying to lose weight my whole childhood. She had an unhealthy relationship with food and although she tried to not let it rub off on me it did. I felt like she was so controlling around food (like locking treats away and rationing food - portion sizes etc) and by binging in my room it was my way of taking some control of my own food and making my own choices; obviously not in a healthy way. I started getting chubby during puberty and then ended up overweight/obese in my teens all the way through to adult hood. It’s only now that I’ve conquered my binge eating in my late twenties.
Unfortunately I can massively relate to your daughter but I really don’t have the right answer as to what you should do. Maybe she feels like I did - that eating is emotional for her and it’s her way of getting back control- she feels like your too controlling regarding food and treats and your own personal relationship with food has perhaps rubbed off unintentionally. But obviously you can’t just let her eat what ever she wants if it will make her unhealthy so I really don’t have the answer.
The thing I would recommend the most is some counciling to address the root issue (I think the over eating is just a symptom of a deeper issue) she needs a way to relax and cope with things rather than turning to food and she needs to know your not judging her or trying to punish her.

Issues with food are almost always covering something deeper. Make sure she knows that she can talk to you about anything, and you won't get angry at her (and stick to it). Car or walking conversations are easier than face to face conversations.