My dd who is 12 wants to be a boy but a feminine boy?!

[Littlek0406]

I just can’t get my head around this one.
So dd is 12 wants to transition to a boy but wants to be a feminine boy who wears dresses, skirts & looks all girlie!

Bit of out ground she became out as a lesbian when she’s was in year 7 due the first lockdown she said she’s non binary & I’ve just found that, that was lie & she wants to trans.

In September me twin passed away who lived with us, she’s addicted to reading Japanese amine porn, she’s goes to all girls school we’re you’ve got a have a label whether it be bi, pan, trans & her father has got 3 different children by 3 women, he just replaced one with the another plus he’s back 2 now.

I’ll support her no matter what, she receiving counselling for bereavement & she’s on YPAS waiting list.

Any advice please

@sociallydistained

I can't believe what I reading about the chilled attitude to bloody porn for a child?n

There is no chilled attitude. She said she made her delete it all. FFS.

@Marmite27
@SleepingStandingUp it was on tiktoc & it’s now been deleted
@Choice4567 Course I’m concerned?!

@needanewidea

Can you please all get off the OP's case about the anime porn?

I highly doubt she said "hey, DD, here's some anime porn to look at" or thinks it's OK. She's already said she made her delete it all.

She's here asking for help and advice. Can we please help and advise her or shove off.

If you're just here to make yourself feel better for kicking someone else while they're down, could you please bog off and kick a picture of a kitten instead or something. It's really not helpful.

I don't think posters are having a go at the op they're just shocked at her dd accessing or viewing porn at 12. I think that shock Is understandable. I'm certainly not judging the poster. I think op is thankfully not haply about any of her dd's behavior and I'd luckily taking thd route of trying to put a stop to it instead of doing the snowflakey 'OK sweetheart let's take you to the trans clinic and let you dress like a boy all to get ridiculed by your peers'

Who is supplying her with Japanese Anime porn? Surely this is skewing her idea of what a women is and what happens to women.
There has been an explosion of teenage girls identifying as trans; hopefully, it will just be a phase and I would probably smile along for now, but if she moved on to wanting to go down a medical route I would be very concerned.
There are organisations like Transgender Trend that oppose the medical pathway as 80% or more children grow out of it.

www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2018/september/4-000-explosion-in-kids-identifying-as-transgender-docs-perform-double-mastectomies-on-healthy-teen-girlsleading

Ps I dont want to hijack ops thread. But on a similar note... My children are on younger year groups at primary school and the school have just advertised a load of books they've just bought in on inclusiveness. Some on Muslim men and women some on black families and Hindu families (healthy books for children) now here's my problem... There's another one called sonething along the lines of the 'mermaid boy' and details a story of a boy that wants to be a girl and both me and my DH have said if the children come home with that book we won't be reading it with them and will send it back with 'not age appropriate' on their reading record. I really don't agree with these teachings in primary aged children

Sorry did you say your 12 year old was addicted to Japanese Amine Porn?!?! Which, as I am sure you are aware features (in cartoon form) incest, under age girls being abused, bestiality, etc etc. It is horrific and truly disturbing, and leads to being part of a very disgusting and intense online community....and what exactly are you doing about this??!

She’s deleted her tick tock account

@Savourysenorita

Ps I dont want to hijack ops thread. But on a similar note... My children are on younger year groups at primary school and the school have just advertised a load of books they've just bought in on inclusiveness. Some on Muslim men and women some on black families and Hindu families (healthy books for children) now here's my problem... There's another one called sonething along the lines of the 'mermaid boy' and details a story of a boy that wants to be a girl and both me and my DH have said if the children come home with that book we won't be reading it with them and will send it back with 'not age appropriate' on their reading record. I really don't agree with these teachings in primary aged children

This shit makes me want to home school...I say to my kids 'everyone's different, live and let live, some people have 2 mums or dads etc' but books about identifying as a different gender...at their age?! Honestly as a feminist I feel like someone has punched me everytime I hear about boys being able to choose their 'gender' at silly ages...what is this trend?!?!

@needanewidea I agree with the school change, I’m looking into now & thanks for your support 💐

Of course I’m shocked & concerned, it was on Tiktoc the anime porn & it’s now be deleted & reported plus I won’t be taking her to a Trans clinic she’s TWELVE for god sake!!!

Op did you post about her not showing any grief towards her aunts death?

Apologies if not but either way sounds like she's got a lot of shit going on and she's a confused 12 year old.

@ClaireP20 I'm glad it's not just me. I didn't want my children/our family to be flagged up as 'discriminatory' but I draw the line at having transitioning children infecting their heads at age 5 and 6. It's extremely confusing and inappropriate. I'm still not ready to tell them the 'two mummies' 'two daddies' yet as I still don't think they're old enough to comprehend it. When the situation arises I will explain. But I don't think however un PC children's heads should be confused for the sake of being pc. It's not being homophobic or prejudiced. Just giving children information as appropriate. For example our friends (gay married men) visited a few months ago and my ds said 'paul and Daniel always gone round together. Do they live together like you and daddy?' (name changed) I said 'yes they do' (he got the picture) there was no need to further clarify. He just accepted it! It was situational.

@Hoppinggreen thank you 💐

@helloxhristmas yes

Please don’t disappear like you did on the last thread about your dd and talk to us about what has been happening since then.

I think you both need to find a way of slowing things down. Have either of you had any therapy? You sound all over the place. It’s not surprising your dd is too.

Your third paragraph is really confusing, OP. You're not being clear. It sounds as if your daughter is confronted with a lot of chaos and toxic influences in her life. She needs calm, consistency and stability.

I just don't know what to say about her viewing porn at the age of 12 apart from the fact that I am horrified.

Change school and set parental settings on wifi!

The whole trans thing at such a young age is just mind boggling to me. I am happy with live and let live. Be yourself and don't worry what others think.
More recently I find myself more relaxed about 'non binary' as in my mind that is somebody saying I don't conform I dont have to choose.
But we are allowing children who are experimenting and do not have enough experience yet to make a lifetime decision that will physically affect them forever without equipping them with the tools to make that decision.

@Savourysenorita

Ps I dont want to hijack ops thread. But on a similar note... My children are on younger year groups at primary school and the school have just advertised a load of books they've just bought in on inclusiveness. Some on Muslim men and women some on black families and Hindu families (healthy books for children) now here's my problem... There's another one called sonething along the lines of the 'mermaid boy' and details a story of a boy that wants to be a girl and both me and my DH have said if the children come home with that book we won't be reading it with them and will send it back with 'not age appropriate' on their reading record. I really don't agree with these teachings in primary aged children

I also have a primary age child and tbh I'd rather I was the one to read that kind of material with them so I had the opportunity to have a discussion about how girls can like cars and boys can like make up and it doesn't mean anything. Rather than leaving it to the school.

@earthyfire @LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella it was on Tictok, I was horrified too.
@Mummyoflittledragon I didn’t disappear I was to get my daughter sorted out & yes we’re both receiving bereavement counselling & dd is on the waiting list YPAS.

I'd remove all internet access if I was you. She'd be given a brick phone which can make calls only and any use of the internet would be under parental supervision.

I just don't know what to say about her viewing porn at the age of 12 apart from the fact that I am horrified.

Yes, it's horrifying that children are watching porn, but it's not helpful to keep on about the OP about that, this is part of a much wider phenomenon, and sadly not that unusual.

Children are accessing porn much more easily and much younger than people of our generations did as kids.

According to research by the UK Safer Internet Centre, 28% of 11-12 year olds who responded to their survey had accessed porn online, although I've seen this quoted as high as 50% elsewhere:

www.saferinternet.org.uk/blog/impact-online-pornography-children

Covering another report's findings on children watching porn, the Guardian said:

Parents are oblivious of the extent to which their children are watching pornography, according to a rare in-depth study of teenagers’ viewing habits that shows adult material has become a normalised part of young Britons’ lives.

The report’s authors concluded that parents of 16- to 17-year-olds were either in denial or largely unaware of what their child viewed online, with the parents of teenage girls the most likely to be unaware their children were watching pornography

The research, conducted as part of the government’s troubled attempt to introduce age-verification services for online pornography, found that children were often disturbed by being accidentally exposed to material at pre-teen age. But it also found that it provided a significant way for older gay, lesbian, and bisexual teenagers to understand their sexuality.

The study involving teenagers and their parents across the UK found:

• British teenagers are increasingly turning to pornography as an educational tool because schools do not tell them “what to do” in early sexual encounters, with teachers instead focusing on issues such as contraception.

• Most children had viewed pornography they found disturbing or overly aggressive, with many saying they believed it influenced how they behaved in sexual encounters and influenced concerns about body image.

• Viewing pornography has been normalised among children from their mid-teens onwards, with more encountering it on networks such as Snapchat and WhatsApp than on dedicated pornography sites.

www.theguardian.com/culture/2020/jan/31/porn-survey-uk-teenagers-viewing-habits-bbfc

Littlek0406 is your DD binding? That's something to look out for.

Also, does she do any activities outside of school that involved getting her body moving? Or being outdoors and away from the computer? (I appreciate it's hard right now under lockdown).

@Hoppinggreen

She’s deleted her tick tock account

But given op said she's addicted, and there's no indication she doesn't still have the same access to tech as always, it's a very temporary fix isn't it

@needanewidea No people are absolutely right to focus on the 12 year old accessing porn. It was said in a blithe way ( perhaps not intentionally but that’s how it reads) and it needs more action than just deleting it . Jesus .

I'd be careful with the counselling - is YPAS a mental health thing? They may take an affirmative approach to gender and refer her to affirmative support groups who may encourage her along a medical pathway.