What freedom would you give your 11 year old?

[Moon90]

My girl is 11 and is at that age of wanting to be more independent and go out with friends and walk to school, the problem is I might Seem strict and that I don't trust her, I do trust her it's the world outside I hate, she's in high school next year so I know she will want to walk there her self, her friends are all ready at the stage of hanging out after school and they come for her but gave up due to me not letting her away from the garden and I don't want her to lose friendships over me being too anxious of letting her go. How do I go about giving her some sort of independence.

My son is in year 7 and walks to school and back by himself. He started doing it now and again towards the end of year 6 to build up his confidence. He goes to the park with friends, to start with it was just for an hour and he has to take his phone. If he comes back by the time I said, then next time he can go for longer. Some of his friends are allowed to roam for miles but I've told him I'd like to know where he is and I want him to stay local.
I think it is a worry though at this age, they need to be independent and do things as that's how they learn, but they are still kids and need that guidance.

She can't meet up with friends now with Covid anyway, other than 1 friend.

How far are you away from a local town or school?

I think friendships and a bit of independence are extremely important at this age. Maybe you let her walk to school once a week to start with? Also, you could also do a"test" and let her hang out with friends once just to see how it goes...I have an 11-year-old boy and just announced that next weekend he will be able to go to Sainsbury's ( we leave a few blocks away) and buy some snacks on his own. He is looking forward to that!Good luck to us :)

I started my dd (12) with a little shopping and a milkshake with friends in an undercover shopping mall (so there are cameras and security) she took a phone, and I sat in the coffee shop and kept an eye on them from a distance. We slowly upgraded to a bigger town and outside. You may have to wait to December, but maybe a fun idea for next month.

In terms of school I would wait to late spring, don't start on the dark wintry cold mornings and afternoons. Next year give it a shot, and ask her to send you an emoji when she arrives at school.

No need to rush, independence will come naturally - just go slowly and all will be fine.

My son is 10, he's walking to and from school for a few years. We live in a small suburb and it's a ten minute walk.

At weekends in the daytime he can go to the playground or park with friends as long as he takes his phone, let's me know where he is and has a specific time to come home.

The year after next he'll be getting the bus to secondary school. The way I see it is you have to slowly build up their independence.

We've talked through a few scenarios and what he would do and how he would handle it e.g. Older kids giving him hassle, him or a friend is injured, he's going to be late home, he wants to move to a different park, or go to someone's house/garden and so on.

Start small and build trust.

In year 6 I started letting my DD go to the corner shop on her own and from the summer term she walked to and from school with friends and was allowed to go to the local park or our local high street to look in the clothes shops / go to Starbucks etc fir a few hours with friends.

She had her phone with her and a definite time to be back. It’s how she started building independence for secondary school and I started tentatively letting my baby go!

Thanks everyone, her school is exactly 3 mins walk with zero busy roads, I'm just a very anxious person, I think starting tomorrow I'll let her walk and text when there, text when going home. I'll need to start letting her hang out outside the garden too, if I don't start giving her independence I just know she'll hate me in a few years haha.