11 year old won't leave the house

[SuzeBr]

my 11 year old DD has refused to leave the house at weekends. It requires herculean effort to persuade her to go anywhere and now I am feeling frustrated and annoyed with her. It has only started since lockdown. She seems to have become very self conscious and anxious.she is visibly anxious when we do go out. She has a younger sister 8 and her dad works all weekend so we are beginning to feel trapped not going anywhere than a short walk.

She takes ages to get ready. Is fixated on not having one close friend but rather lots of friends. I have got her on a waiting list to get a support worker to help her at the children and young peoples team but this could take months to get one

Please help or has anyone got a similar problem

@SuzeBr

Absolutely all of that is identical to my daughter, although mine is 13.

Refuses to leave house, or will stay sitting in car if I do out somewhere. Even then she’ll keep her hoodie on to hide.

Only went into 1 shop the entire Lockdown. Anxious to the point she ‘froze’, was walking around tapping her feet constantly, and when I glanced at her unexpectedly her eyes were dilated and nearly popping out of head.

She’s very slow to do anything, but once momentum gets going completes a task meticulously.
Tying laces on her daps for instance we actually have to allow for this when we know we’re going out, to give us an extra 10 minutes to leave the house whilst she starts this ‘monumental’ task of undoing the knots, doing them up again, complaining her socks are ‘uncomfortable’ or there’s sand in her daps (what, from a holiday a year ago? ).

Given up now and she just wears no shoes, seeing as she only sits in the car anyway and doesn’t get out.

Had one best friend that she’s barely exchanged half a dozen texts with over Lockdown as she explained to me she feels uncomfortable in one to one situations so prefers larger friendship groups where she can hide behind the extraverts.

Now she’s back at school she’s happier, but it made me consider whether she’s on a scale somewhere. She’s certainly an oddball ! Very artistic, hates change, watches Anime a lot

I’ve found that girls start to become more withdrawn, moody, way less tactile, once they hit age 10.
Start as you mean to go on....and it’s a long road ahead ! ..... allow her great privacy but always, always be there to support her no matter how wild it gets.

Gosh these two are like twins. My daughter is into anime as well. I've thought from a young age my daughter may be autistic on some level but never had any success getting a camhs assessment

grin not a Taurus child too is she!

Me too, @SuzeBr but I’m worried about attaching a label to my daughter, so I probably won’t follow it up.

I don’t know if your daughter is at secondary school yet, but when mine started I found the school pastoral care team bloody brilliant and helping out with ‘assisting’ her in making new friends and ensuring she always sat at the back in classrooms and so on to help ease anxiety.

They kind of engineered it so she was allocated a ‘buddy’, another shy girl, that she was asked to look after/mentor/show the ropes so the pair of them wouldn’t be standing on their own like statues at break times.

Keep an eye out when/if the anime interest merges into Cosplay and Furry Fandom as it did for my daughter. You’ll really need to keep a check on those topics if it does, they have far scarier sub-genres than anime!

Well it’s reassuring to know there’s other children out there similar to my daughter anyway. Hopefully our girls can find kindred spirits in friendships they form in the near future.

Don't be annoyed and frustrated at her. It's no fun experiencing anxiety and a fear of going out, and the last thing she wants (though it's probably what she needs!) is someone forcing her to do exactly what she is so scared of.

If this is such a problem, she needs understanding and professional help. Perhaps a counsellor? Is there any facility for this at school for her?

To be honest, I was similar in the first lockdown, I was scared, and I didn't want to go in shops. I'm okay now, but still not completely at ease.

These are horrible times we're living in, and it's been so disruptive to young people's lives.

Be understanding, talk to her about what she's worried about, but don't be frustrated with her, because she's not acting like this for a laugh.