Frustrating Dd10, everything takes her ages to do!

[WhenInDoubtSmileandPout]

My Dd is10 and she's constantly daydreaming. It takes her absolutely ages to get dressed for school - easily 30-45 mins, and she's not even on her phone! She always holds the rest of us up when we need to go somewhere. She just seem unable to engage with "boring" but very necessary tasks.

Is this normal? My other two kids aren't like that. Is this something she might grow out of? What do I do - she drives me up the wall...

[PlanDeRaccordement]

I was a big day dreamer as a child. Could day dream for hours on end. I similarly would either take a long time to do things or I’d abandon them unfinished and be off in another room/world. I was later diagnosed with ADHD as ab adult.

[FortunesFave]

I was going to say what Plan says. My DD is 12 and has just been diagnosed with ADHD. She has the attention deficit kinds...not the hyperactivity. So really, ADD....she's very slow at things which should take seconds. Does your DD talk a lot or forget things? Is she messy?

[FalconQueen]

I was like this as a child and am still like this now, it can take me 15 minutes to put my socks on as something out of the window will catch my eye and send me off into a daydream

[WhenInDoubtSmileandPout]

Hi. She doesn't talk too much but she's definitely messy. We wondered if something was behind that.

I've heard that some children grow out of ADHD?(not sure about ADD), is that the case? Is there any treatment or therapy that works?

[WhenInDoubtSmileandPout]

Plan and Falcon, what's life like for you? Can you work? Any tips for me? I want to do the best thing for my daughter.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

I don’t know if you can grow out of it. It’s more that we develop coping mechanisms to mask it. I use things like to do lists, notes to myself and alarms to keep me on track.
So for a 10yr old maybe a whiteboard with the tasks she needs to do for school- eat, dress, brush teeth, etc and she checks them off as she does them. It also reminds her what still needs to be done. You could also give her a countdown. Like call put “twenty minutes until we go”
“Ten minutes”. “Five minutes”. You’re like her alarm.

I am also medicated to help me focus.

If you think she has this, best to go get her assessed. My ADHD is attention deficit but the hyperactivity is hyperfocus variety which is more common in girls than boys. Hence being able to day dream for hours at a time. And I mean up to 16hrs straight by that.

[ItsBeyondMe]

Sounds like my daughter. We are currently going through an assessment for ADD. Children don’t grow out of ADHD but they learn coping mechanisms to deal with the things they have issues with so it’s not as apparent.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Yes I can work. I was blessed with a brain and so would get homework done and then be off in dream land. I never needed to listen to class because I’d read the text once and remember it verbatim.
I got a PhD in Aerospace Engineering all before being diagnosed. Life is good. I just have tendency to hyper focus on a detail/sub system which can frustrate my colleagues. But there have been times that it’s paid off because the detail ended up having a critical design flaw.
So just remember that ADHD or any learning difficulty doesn’t affect raw intelligence. Your DDs intelligence will be a separate thing and if you get her good coping mechanisms and perhaps focus medications she can reach her potential.

[FortunesFave]

My DDs teacher makes sure to give instructions to DD only when DD is looking her in the eyes. She also has to give them twice and get DD to repeat them.

[WhenInDoubtSmileandPout]

Thanks both. I didn't mean to sound insensitive, it's just that at times I wonder how my daughter will cope when she's older and we're not behind her telling her to hurry up.

She does struggle in school but is not unintelligent, I don't think. She can be quite articulate and seems fine, if a little immature perhaps.

She can have explosive outbursts - only at home, she's well behaved otherwise. Hormones or ADD-related? We need to talk to a GO obviously, just wondering what your thoughts are.

[LadyFuschia]

Another daydreamer DD here and she takes after me. A lot of the ADD traits are things I recognise in myself and my children but we are bright & capable so it’s not causing issues with learning.
I totally agree with accepting it and finding strategies, rather than trying to solve it or hope it will go! I use my phone to make lists, set reminders, and I tend to not procrastinate as I know I’ll forget - so if something comes from school / work that needs doing I will deal with it straight away. For DD it means a lot (a LOT) of us prompting, reminding & helping her develop her own strategies. She got loads better in yr 6 and I think when she realised I forget stuff so she can’t rely on me all the time, it actually helped. At the end of the day we can’t rescue them or do it for them.

Most importantly we are explicit in accepting that our brains are a bit distractable & though there is a bit of moaning & last-minute stressing some days, she isn’t told off for being that way, just asked to think about how she can manage it better next time. The shame I felt is not something I want her to experience. It’s not just being lazy or disorganised- it really is a brain function thing! But we have to train ourselves to cope in the world alongside more organised & focussed people...

[WhenInDoubtSmileandPout]

Oh, I don't want her to be ashamed! But I can see how I might inadvertently send her a negative message about herself.

Any tips about getting a diagnosis? I've heard it can be a nightmare on the NHS.

[TicTacTwo]

My ds was very daydreamy but at age 14 has finally reached the point where he can get ready for school and leave on time without any prompting. Never thought I'd see the day

At age 10 I was having to tell him to get his shoes on etc

[FortunesFave]

I can't advise on diagnosing because we're in Australia. I'd say a visit to the GP might be the best start.

[BertieBotts]

There is a great book called Smart But Scattered which will probably help you to help her.

But yes, getting an assessment opens the most doors.

I would also highly recommend the podcast ADHD Essentials and the YouTube channel How To ADHD.

Also a book called So I'm not Crazy, Stupid or Lazy which is aimed at people (especially girls/women) with ADHD. That's a bit less in depth but a good intro.