My feed

to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


No sleep ds

9 replies

Litthefirealready · 15/10/2020 22:04

I am in the bizarre situation of having a ds10 who won’t let me leave him upstairs whilst he is going to sleep.
I have to wait until he is asleep until I creep downstairs hoping I don’t make a sound and alert him to the fact I’m going downstairs just like the toddler years. In fact, he was better as a toddler, just used to let me read to him, give him a cuddle then off I went.
We moved house two and a half years ago and since then we haven’t been able to leave him in bed awake (unless his older brother was in the room next door - but he is always out now in the evenings). The house is old, but not spooky, we are in the sitting room directly beneath his bedroom and he can hear us chatting so it’s not silent and we are not far away. He has a night light on and hall light.
He says he thinks something might happen to him but that’s as specific as he gets so I’m clueless as to his fear.
It’s making me very bitter and angry, plus frustrated, here it is ten o’clock (he went up at nine) and I’m still up here, might as well go to bed myself. Haven’t had a chance to have a chat with dh.
Help, what can I do?

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 15/10/2020 22:12

Mine was like that. He said 'garden noises' frightened him. It all stopped suddenly when he was fourteen. Up until then he used to creep into our room and slide in between us, very quietly so as not to disturb us, though we were of course aware of it and he was there when we woke up in the morning. He wasn't a wriggler so it was not too bad.

Apparently a lot of his friends were the same which was comforting in a way because we used to worry about it going on into adulthood!

I used to be terrified in my room at night when I was a child so I understand how he felt. It was a great relief when it stopped though.

Litthefirealready · 15/10/2020 23:12

Fourteen??!! Gah.

I understand that he’s scared, but I used to be scared too as a child but there was no way my mum and dad would sit upstairs all night till I fell asleep.
I feel so harsh just leaving him though, he cries and I can’t do that to him. I just want him to be rational and understand that nothing will happen to him.

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 15/10/2020 23:43

It might be worth letting him have something to listen to as he drifts off. Maybe a podcast or the radio.

Litthefirealready · 15/10/2020 23:51

That’s a good idea - thank you.

OP posts:
alwaysstressed · 16/10/2020 00:17

These days will be over soon enough. Lay with him and enjoy the cuddle. Your son needs you, before long he'll be grunting at you through his closed door

jessstan1 · 16/10/2020 03:57

Littlefire: I just want him to be rational and understand that nothing will happen to him.
Rationality doesn't come into it I'm afraid; night terrors are horrible and no amount of common sense dispels them. However children do outgrow them eventually.

Snowmonster · 16/10/2020 04:05

He sounds anxious, if he isn't being specific and telling you what's wrong do you think he would talk to someone else?

My ds had and still has anxiety at night (he is 15 now) but he talked to a counsellor through school and it helped me understand what was going on for him so I could help him. He sleeps with his light and music on all night now, and is a lot less anxious.

Kaitness · 16/10/2020 04:14

You can get sleep meditation for teens too - Cory's conscious living on YouTube is good. Cancels external noise plus relaxing

Litthefirealready · 16/10/2020 09:15

Thank you for replying, he also won’t go upstairs alone during the day. When he gets home from school I have to go with him to get changed, use the bathroom and so on. If I ask him to get something from upstairs he refuses to go unless I go with him or someone is already up there!

I just don’t get it, it’s not a scary house!!

I will try audio books and sleep meditation, thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.