11 year old dd in fight at school

[uberchick2020]

My DD is in year 7 at secondary school and has been there for about five weeks now. We had a five minute parents evening voice call on Tuesday with her tutor and I was told how well she is doing which I was so pleased about, she is always happy and bouncy when she gets home everyday which is great.

I got a call from school today at leaving time to say that she had been a fight with another girl today and had spent most of the afternoon in the first aid room with an ice pack on her face. Her head of year had been told that they had an argument about telling secrets and who fancies who etc and it got completely out of hand. My DD has told me that she wrote the other girls name and the boy she fancies on the chalk board, the other girl whacked her round the head and walked away, she then grabbed her bag and pulled her back and then they slapped each other round the face a few times. They are both saying that the other did the first slap and the head of year is trying to find out if they have it on cctv and then they will see what to do after that.

I don't know what to do! At the moment I've taken her computer off of her and I'm checking all of her WhatsApp messages. Am I overreacting or should I be stricter? I've never had to this before so I don't know what the right thing to do is?

• my daughter has also said she thinks that everyone else in her tutor group is on the other girls side and that she doesn't have any friends left. She wants to change tutor but I've told her that's ridiculous

Tbh it sounds like normal ish stuff at that sort of age, hormones will be going crazy etc.

It also sounds like cause and effect lesson is in play so i wouldnt worry too much about punishment. It sounds like your dd was in the wrong initially by embarrassing the other girl ('outing' who she fancied) so she will learn from the outcome of that that people may not like her for it. Probably the most effective way to learn these sorts of lessons.

Good thing about learning it at this age though is that they will forget and move on pretty quickly. There'll be a new drama next week.

Make sure your dd has apologised, and i would check phone etc to ensure that theres no further bullying or teasing going on. But it does sound like your dd was the one in the wrong, irrelevant of who slapped who first. She wrote the names one the board, she has to face the repercussions.

It sounds like your dd was in the wrong initially by embarrassing the other girl ('outing' who she fancied)

DD said that the other girl told everyone who she fancied and that was why she wrote the boy's name on the chalkboard . Damn their hormones!! The head of year said this was the first time she's had to do this sort of thing for ages so I'm worried that dd is going to get a reputation?

She might initially be talked about, but if she apologises and keeps her head down (even if the other girl started it) then it will quickly blow over.

Just be firm but sympathetic. Let her know you understand how unfair it all feels, but being the bigger person is the only way to ride it out.

Its a difficult age and i totally get why you would want to get involved, but she should be able to (with your support behind the scenes) ride this out on her own and will learn massively from it. But keep an eye in case it continues to escalate on either side. Your dd might feel hard done by and want to retaliate which would not help at all.