How can you help with friendships at year 7?

[parrotonmyshoulder]

DD has always struggled a bit with friends. Never had lots, never really wanted any. At primary school I was able to support a bit by making sure we invited people over sometimes, took a friend out for the day etc. She had a little group of friends in year 5 and beginning of year 6 (until lockdown). She found the messaging chatter incredibly annoying so didn’t join in with that, and now they are all at secondary. No transition of course, no clubs, all pretty different to usual. She’s happy enough with work, lessons etc. But has become more upset this week because she has no friends. She feels left out by the old school friends (and I think they don’t want to make the effort with her anymore). She would much rather read on her own than join in with the chat of a group.
I don’t really know what to do, how to help (if I can), or anything really.
Any advise? Thank you.

Child she sits next to in a lesson get her to say hello, do you like this lesson, what other lessons do we have together.. Shall we sit next to each other in the next class

Agree with above, also could suggest sitting together at lunch etc.
Has she noticed anyone else reading? Maybe she could strike up a conversation about their favourite books.
Everyone is in the same boat going into year 7 so she won't be the only one feeling like this, has she noticed anyone sitting quietly that she could befriend?
It must be so hard when they get to the age you can't step in and invite people over for playdates etc

Thanks. They’re in set seating plans due to Covid restrictions AND in the same lessons for everything. She walked part way home with a girl today and they talked about pets.
Says her friends from primary don’t really acknowledge her anymore.

My DD is year 8 but year 7 was a bit of a rollercoaster with friendships. She tends to stick to one at a time (until they fall out!).
I think it’s pretty normal for this age. Your DD will find like minded personalities,although I think it must be hard for them without clubs and other opportunities.
I would just try to support her and encourage her to be herself.
I know as a parent it’s a massive worry,they just don’t have the maturity to deal with it all.

Tell her to star small - every week to make acquaintances with 2-3 people. Just eye contact, smile, hello and perhaps small talk. Give a target, let's say - by the end of the month to know everyone in her group by name and to have spoken to half of them. No need to rush and make friends yet. Let her start feeling comfortable around them, get to know them and then to decide who could be friends with.

To "start" small /edit option would be good/

See if her school library is open. Many are opening on a timetable for different bubbles. She may meet similar people there and in my experience school librarians are excellent at promoting friendships between students who tend to be alone.

We’re struggling with this too. We’d hoped dd who is 10 would be getting on a level. She has recently been playing more with one girl after school but teacher rang today to say some little witch put in a poison pen letter. Even the teacher said it was unforgivable! Really horrible age and interested in replies to OP. My daughter usually busies her time with clubs but they are all cancelled. You would think out of 2 classes of 30 in their year they’d find like minded pals.

I have been wondering about this and am interested in advice as in a similar situation. DD in year 7. Also had a small group of friends in primary but used to prefer seeing them at school rather than inviting them to our house. We did however have the friends over from time to time/take a friend out with us just to make sure the friendships were maintained (DD was happy with this, but seemed to find it quite hard work despite really liking them). When we chatted to her about this, DD explained that while she enjoyed school most of the time and liked seeing her friends there, she also liked to come home and 'have a change" and seemed to see her school friends as just that- "school friends".

So now, in the early stages of year 7, there seems to be a similar pattern developing. There has been a number of chat groups set up for her year group and also for various lessons. Some children are thriving on this- spending much of the day chatting, and with this obviously comes bonding and getting to know one another a little bit. DD really dislikes the group chats and finds them overwhelming. She says most of the time they are not interesting and when she has tried to join in once or twice her messages have been ignored. She has tried to stick with the primary friends but is finding they are spending more time with others now.

DD is not miserable, she is coping well with year 7 so far in other respects, talks to people in lessons a little but seems so uninterested in getting to know other children past this. I can see why she finds the group chats difficult and we are not putting any pressure on her with friendships, but i'm just having a quiet worry to myself as at the moment, the rules/short lunchtimes/no clubs/set seating plans at school don't suit children like dd who prefer to slowly get to know people in person rather than online.