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Preteens

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Need some advice

12 replies

JustGetThroughTheDay · 01/10/2020 11:53

11 year old dd is messy. She leaves stuff behind her as she goes without thinking and I'm getting really fed up. Dh thinks I'm over the top 'she's just a kid' and that I take it personally.
I think she's old enough to tidy up after herself and can do it if there's something in it for her.
Yesterday I warned her I was going to be in her room cleaning the windows, polishing and hoovering.
Came in this morning and it's not perfect but it's pretty good. Until I couldn't shut the wardrobe doors. When I've looked she's shoved a load of clean/ironed washing into the back of her wardrobe. She knew I'd look on the floor of the wardrobes so these are shoved over the rail and onto the back of the coat hangers.
I'm raging. I've dragged them all out and left them in a huge pile on her bedroom floor.
I'm not doing anything with them.
Told Dh (who is away) that I'm going to take her phone off her and ground her tomorrow night when she will normally go for a walk with her two friends.
I've told dh he needs to back me on it but he's likely to say I'm being too harsh on her.
Am I?

OP posts:
JustGetThroughTheDay · 01/10/2020 15:27

She's home and I've calmly explained what's happening and why. She said I'm not being fair Confused

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 01/10/2020 15:31

You are right .

JustGetThroughTheDay · 01/10/2020 19:20

@nimbuscloud

You are right .
Thank you. She's gone to her netball practice but asked for her phone before she left! Think she's going to be shocked tomorrow when she doesn't get it back 😫
OP posts:
theBelgranoSisters · 01/10/2020 21:55

You're way too harsh-creating unnecessary conflict..Just leave her room to her-ditto ironing and hanging stuff up..does it really matter?Honestly?Its a battle of wills and you need to learn to pick your battles as the sdult. She'll learn in time if it actually matters to her. My sister never learnt and i was the opposite. My mum didnt care either way and let us get on with it.

JustGetThroughTheDay · 02/10/2020 08:04

@theBelgranoSisters

You're way too harsh-creating unnecessary conflict..Just leave her room to her-ditto ironing and hanging stuff up..does it really matter?Honestly?Its a battle of wills and you need to learn to pick your battles as the sdult. She'll learn in time if it actually matters to her. My sister never learnt and i was the opposite. My mum didnt care either way and let us get on with it.
You think she should be ironing her own clothes?
OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/10/2020 08:17

Too harsh imo- fine to say “no screen tonight until you hang these up” or don’t wSh clothes that aren’t in a basket etc but to ground her?! Very ott sorry

JustGetThroughTheDay · 02/10/2020 18:11

Found a hat in her cupboard today that she's sharpened pencils into and left

OP posts:
moomoogalicious · 02/10/2020 18:18

What @OnlyFoolsnMothers said. I have 3 teens and you have to learn to pick your battles. I worked say no internet until your room is tidied, then its her choice.

ZigZagToTheBeach · 03/10/2020 19:56

If there is something that my DC should have done and they know they should have done it then I will sometimes remind them about it whilst they are doing something that they enjoy (playing football, screen time, etc) and insist that they do it there and then. They hate having to stop what they are doing so soon learn to just get it done.

JustGetThroughTheDay · 03/10/2020 22:25

@ZigZagToTheBeach

If there is something that my DC should have done and they know they should have done it then I will sometimes remind them about it whilst they are doing something that they enjoy (playing football, screen time, etc) and insist that they do it there and then. They hate having to stop what they are doing so soon learn to just get it done.
Howl one do you go on doing that before you realise it's not working?
OP posts:
theBelgranoSisters · 04/10/2020 00:52

@JustGetThroughTheDay my point was just that we all have our own ideas of whats important.
Ironed clothes arent the be all/end all.
Clean clothes do matter&super-easy to teach kids how to use a washer/dryer mine do it on a rota.
I dont iron anything. So its not important to me & i certainly wouldnt be creating over something that in the grand scheme of things doesnt matter.

Pinkyxx · 07/10/2020 17:50

I can't abide mess and it really annoys me too when DD doesn't hang up stuff / tidy up but I realize mess annoys me more than most people. Enforcing my standards isn't really fair - my DD could live in a pig sty and it wouldn't bother her one bit!

The rule I have is do your jobs before screen time but I'm not draconian about it. I think ok to say you can have your phone / wifi access WHEN you've done what I asked. Or, if you want me to do your laundry you need to put your clothes in the basket etc. Up to DD what she then chooses to do!

My advice is to pick your battles as, if you're harsh on everything it just breeds lack of cooperation

This however would be a big no no for me! This isn't about being messy...

Found a hat in her cupboard today that she's sharpened pencils into and left

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