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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

How to help my DS 12 with friendships

5 replies

Littlemiss74 · 05/09/2020 23:13

My DS is 12 and has recently started going out on his bike with friends. He enjoys the freedom and comes back happy each time.

Today he came home and didn’t speak. After tea he went and sat in quiet looking at his phone. We called him to come & watch tv with us & he started screaming and crying telling us to leave him alone. I was worried as he was sobbing & screaming.

Eventually I got him to talk to me & he said a couple of boys had been embarrassing him on snapchat by saying that he had an erection when they were out in the park earlier and it was when he saw a particular girl. They thought this was funny to post on a snapchat group of around ten kids. My DS was mortified and embarrassed as the girl in question is in the group.
He doesn’t normally hang around with this group but they invited him along today and I think he felt good as they are seen as the cool group. Now I think they just like to ridicule him. They also sent him off to look for a football in some bushes for half an hour and no-one helped him. They said he has to go back out tomorrow to find it.

He was so upset he was almost hyperventilating and his eyes were red from crying. I have never seen him so upset. We tried to talk to him about proper friends and how they wouldn’t humiliate him in this way. I just felt so sad for him as he thought they wanted him to join in but really just enjoyed making a fool of him.

Just wanted to vent really and ask how do others help their almost teenage sons have good genuine friendships. My worry is that because he is a little quirky and sensitive that he is going to get picked on by these frankly horrible types throughout his teenage years.

I never want to see him like that again😥

OP posts:
BlueStargazer · 06/09/2020 19:53

Oh no that's awful. I hope your son is feeling better today? I think the first thing is he needs to avoid that crowd from now on. I'd encourage him to join clubs in school and do activities outside school to meet people. In school hopefully they do a club for something he's interested in and that's where he'll meet his tribe? I'd recommend the book the Friendship Maze, which gives practical advice on the dynamics of friendship groups, how to deal with bullying and difficult situations as well as tips on making friends. Good luck Thanks

Andi2020 · 07/09/2020 20:44

How do they even know things like that at 12.
Kids now grow up far too quickly

Artesia · 07/09/2020 20:48

@Andi2020 I don't disagree that they grow up too quickly, but 12 year old boys definitely know all about (and get) erections. Nothing shocking there, and I'd rather hope they did know what it was, rather than wondering what was happening to them

FreeZagariRatcliffe · 07/09/2020 20:52

You have my sympathies OP, poor kid. Kids can be awful bullies. I’m not sure what to suggest but couldn’t read and run.

Littlemiss74 · 07/09/2020 21:21

Thank you. It seemed to blow over the following day. I just want him to be socially confident. I think he tries too hard to make people like him and sometimes he can be seen as a bit annoying.
He definitely is aware of what’s going on down below and I can’t help but notice at times too😄

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