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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Home based solo activities for pre-teen boy

14 replies

QueenCornelia · 24/08/2020 12:20

We are struggling to get our son to get engaged in any home-based solo activities. He’s very specific about reading, only likes one author, and had read all his books. Everything we suggest is rejected by him - getting a basketball hoop, riding his bike, a solo card game such as solitaire, jigsaw puzzles, lego. He seems incapable of occupying himself & would sit for hours doing literally nothing unless we permitted him to play Nintendo (which has strict limits) or message friends on his phone. He expresses no interest in meeting friends or having them over. We are taking him for therapy which is not unrelated but I would love some ideas from others on what has occupied their pre-teen boy. He can’t always rely on us taking him out, or being there to play a board game with him, as often as we try to do these things. We are really struggling. Thanks.

OP posts:
QueenCornelia · 24/08/2020 13:41

Should have said he is 11, nearly 12. He has a sister, 8yo, so sometimes they play but often they just fight. We are getting a dog soon, so that will be fun & get him out more, but his lack of interest in doing anything other than Nintendo is driving us spare.

OP posts:
Chocolate4me · 24/08/2020 14:16

What about those paint a model plane sets? Meccano, electric circuit sets, drone, remote controlled stunt car, skateboard, meet his friends at the local park and go for a bike ride? My eldest is 12 and doesn't really solo play anymore, it's xbox, you tube, on his phone or out on his bike meeting friends... Seems quite common at his age unfortunately!

bookmum08 · 24/08/2020 14:49

Who is the author he likes. There may be something that could have a link ?

bookmum08 · 24/08/2020 14:50

There is a new Super Mario Lego theme though....

GreyishDays · 24/08/2020 14:54

Have you tried letting him sit and do nothing? Mine do eventually do something else.

My middle one sounds quite similar. He will draw rather than go to bed, given the choice. But not draw at any other time, so he goes to his room a bit earlier and then I let him stay up a bit as he’s drawing.
He will wittle a stick with a craft knife, play darts a bit.

He will read some non fiction.

I also give him the choice of playing/drawing/reading or doing chores.

GreyishDays · 24/08/2020 14:56

Oh and I would maybe arrange friends for him if you can without it being completely embarrassing for him. So just go for a walk and find that two friends are already in the park, if you can get other parents on board.

Chameleon2003 · 24/08/2020 14:59

My son taught himself bass guitar and became a bit obsessed for a while.

He also liked reading books of interesting facts - not restricted to one subject.

titchy · 24/08/2020 15:02

Guitar?

PhilODox · 24/08/2020 15:05

What about graphic novels rather than books?
Learn scratch programming? Or python.
Build a robot kit
Gardening or growing veg?
Painting miniatures for gaming or airfix kits
Fimo?

missyB1 · 24/08/2020 15:07

Guitar / Keyboard? My ds is same age and he likes model planes and trains. Do you have a trampoline? My ds spends hours on that.

WeAllHaveWings · 24/08/2020 15:30

We always told ds he could play his xbox/PS4 (which has a connection online to his friends and I don't see as any different to watching TV or playing a board game in ye olden days) as much as he wanted as long as he balanced it with other things.

  • always something physical - initially that was footie, but later the gym/circuit training
  • socialising in person, he goes out with his friends regularly either to astroturf, cinema, watch local footie team, or just go for a walk and mess about at the river in summer etc
  • spends time with family - visits gran, cousins etc
  • school work, organising his own stuff for school, study/homework and reading for 30-45 mins before bed
  • chores including keeping his own room in order
  • eats dinner with us (helps chop veg, gets drinks, sets/clears table, load dishwasher etc)
  • occasionally, couple of times a month, we have a movie/board game night
etc

He never really did anything "solo" as such other than going to the gym after he left the local football club. I think the biggest thing your ds is missing is socialising outside with friends, which isn't easy just now, but I would focus on that rather than trying to find a traditional hobby for him.

When ds was 12 he was quite confident when with friends, but had a sticking point about asking friends to meet up and do something. Not sure if it was because he was worried they'd say no, but once a couple of the boys started making arrangements it got easier and we barely saw him during the summer months!

Cuddling57 · 24/08/2020 16:06

Making his own videos and editing them kept my DS entertained for hours. He used to film himself playing mine craft, football skills, funny videos, edit them we tug music and voiceovers etc.

Seriouslymole · 02/09/2020 14:16

My DS has just discovered a long lost skateboard in the cupboard of doom and has spent a lot of the last three days outside perfecting that. It won't take long before the novelty wears off though.

He doesn't game but does watch a lot of telly which we have to put limits on otherwise he would watch it all day. It's always screens of one type or another, isn't it?

He does a reasonable amount of
a. trampolining
b. arguing with his younger sibling
c. art and craft stuff (cartooning, making stuff, drawing)
d. writing "books" - we have hundreds of Chapter 1s lying around the house.

He does meet up with friends in the park once or twice a week though which is a relief for us all!

Seriouslymole · 02/09/2020 14:17

Oh yes - and video editing as per @Cuddling57 - He loves that!

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