12 year olds and rules for visiting friends/going out.

[wherestheotherone]

I need some help please. Ds is 12, about to go into year 8. He's got a friend who for the last week has been here every day until 9.30pm. I'm increasingly not happy about it.

1. he never tells me when she's coming!
2. her parents drop her off and pick her up at will! They ask no questions. She's apparently allowed out between 3-9.30 and given £1 to get her own tea 🤔.
3. I have a younger child who needs to be in bed by 7.30 (SEN)
4. Were working from home full time and start at 5.30/6pm.
5. he never goes there!?
6. she's always here at tea time so extra person to feed.

I don't think this is right. As a parent I'd not agree to my child doing this. I am wanting to put in place ground rules. I want to be asked can she come out of decency. I want to know who her parents are and have a contact for them. I want her out by 8pm on week days other days by 9pm. I don't like her just turning up. Today she left at 5pm and has just been dropped off again now. I had no idea, my DD was in the bath etc

I am being miserable?

It sounds like they are dropping her off then going to work, basically using you as free childcare. The hours are too set in stone for it to be anything else imo.

She's says not. She has a younger brother. I just can't imagine dropping my child off repeatedly at a house and letting them stay till 9.30 at the age of 12?!

I don't know if her parents work.

I have a 12yo and I would not be happy with this! I think it's ok at this age for the kids to make social arrangements themselves, rather than between parents, but your DS needs to tell you and you absolutely can say no if it's not convenient. Or is it a surprise to your DS too?!

Random he's just said that he's only just found out she was coming over?! What this actually means isn't clear. He's being vague.

They are also in his bedroom. I know he's only 12 but I'm not keen on this either! This might just be because I'm pissed off about it in general.

Your DS should be asking if she can come over as a basic rule. it’s very strange of the other parents; I can’t imagine even at that age being ok with doing that with my DD. I think you need to start with talking to your DS about how to handle it; is he willing and confident enough to tell her that he needs to ask you before she comes over and if not you need to ask her for her parents number and work out how to address it with them.

Also in his room would not be ok for me.

I relieved so far I'm not alone in this. I'm very tempting to tell her she needs to arrange to go at 8 tonight because we're working tomorrow.

No I would not be happy about this at all. I am happy for ds to have friends over and he often has friends for sleepovers but he would always be expected to ask first and the parents would generally call to check its OK too plus I need warning to put my bra on.

Lol well I was actually sweaty, doing a workout when her parents car pulled up, dropped her and sped off.