12 year olds and rules for visiting friends/going out.

[wherestheotherone]

I need some help please. Ds is 12, about to go into year 8. He's got a friend who for the last week has been here every day until 9.30pm. I'm increasingly not happy about it.

1. he never tells me when she's coming!
2. her parents drop her off and pick her up at will! They ask no questions. She's apparently allowed out between 3-9.30 and given £1 to get her own tea 🤔.
3. I have a younger child who needs to be in bed by 7.30 (SEN)
4. Were working from home full time and start at 5.30/6pm.
5. he never goes there!?
6. she's always here at tea time so extra person to feed.

I don't think this is right. As a parent I'd not agree to my child doing this. I am wanting to put in place ground rules. I want to be asked can she come out of decency. I want to know who her parents are and have a contact for them. I want her out by 8pm on week days other days by 9pm. I don't like her just turning up. Today she left at 5pm and has just been dropped off again now. I had no idea, my DD was in the bath etc

I am being miserable?

What? No of course you're not being miserable! That's childcare, not going to see a friend.

Surely she must have contact details for her parents if they disappear before you can confront them?

Tell her you're out tomorrow and she can't come

Well stop feeding the extra mouth for starters. Sit them both down and explain that unless visits are agreed between parents in advance, she doesn't get through the door. They can see each other in garden/local park, but not at the house.

My 12yo ds mates are welcome to come and go as they please but unless it's prearranged they go home at mealtimes. I have known most of them since reception so I'm quite happy to send them home

Ah I was that girl. I was at my best friends as soon as she was up till I was told to go home because I loved being at her house. I hated my house. Her dad used joke that he was going to ask my parents for my child benefit book

I’d try and catch her parents to try and figure out what’s going on.