Picky/resistant eater 10yo DS

[Brunionfire]

DS (10) has always been a picky eater but it’s getting worse with age. His range of foods is very limited - it’s basically beige & processed/unhealthy stuff.

There’s only one sandwich filling he will eat (ham). Meats are limited to chicken, bacon & one specific brand of sausages. He won’t eat rice, cous cous or any form of potato, even chips. He hasn’t eaten a single vegetable since he was 13 months old. It’s very difficult to plan family meals that include foods he likes because there are so few. A typical day for him would be:

Breakfast: cereal + toast with Nutella
Snack: cereal bar/biscuit/apple
Lunch: ham sandwich & crisps
Dinner: chicken nuggets, pasta & tomato ketchup or pizza or sausages & pasta
Dessert: jelly/yoghurt/lolly/apple/berry fruit

We have spent years trying to encourage him to try new foods (tiny tastes) and have tried to follow the advice that its our job to provide him with a balanced meal, his job to decide whether to eat it or not. We try to involve him in shopping/meal prep (he’s not interested). We put food in serving dishes in the centre of the table & always include something he likes (usually nuggets as there’s so few foods to choose from 😳). However, then he only eats the food he likes & won’t try the new foods. We try not to be drawn into discussions about what he is eating (getting more difficult the older he gets).

None of this has ever made any difference.

We have sought advice from health visitors, GP & school over the years because we suspect he may have sensory processing issues but school have no concerns & GP isn’t interested because he’s within the healthy weight range (just - he’s right at the bottom). We don’t know where else to turn for help.

Online the advice seems to fall into 2 distinct categories:

1. serve the same meal for the whole family and if he doesn’t eat it, tough - he goes hungry.

2. serve him what we know he will eat (chicken nuggets & pasta pretty much every single day).

We’ve done 1) many times before & it has never results in him expanding his food range. He just cries because he is desperately hungry & then wants 3 lots of breakfast the next day to make up for it.

2. is what’s suggested for picky eating related to sensory processing issues. We find ourselves doing this more & more just because 1) never gets us anywhere. But we feel like we’re failing him as parents as we’re not providing a nutritious balanced diet and he’s starting to go off more & more foods leaving us with even less options to offer him.

We’ve also tried having a frank discussion about the importance of eating a variety of foods for his health but when it comes to it he just won’t even try. Mealtimes just feel so stressful.

I should add the rest of us have a balanced meal including vegetables & his 5yo DD eats most foods including spicy foods with no issues. She’s always been a good eater & it’s such a contrast from DS.

I’m sorry that was long but if you’ve reached the end & have any advice on what we can or should be doing, I’d really appreciate it. Thankyou

My DSD was a beige eater too. The only veg she would eat were tiny amounts of peas and fruit was smooth orange juice and tiny amounts of peeled and finely diced apple...
Her eating improved at high school and having more autonomy did allow her to try food in a less pressured way. She's in her 20's now and whilst still quite selective eats a decent range of things.
In your shoes I would stick with feeding what he will eat, take a good multivitamin and offer choices occasionally but don't make much of refusal.
My DD is also very selective and dislikes most sauces, melted cheese and food that looks mixed up. So will eat something like pasta with tomato sauce, but bolognaise is a non starter. She doesn't really like meat either but will eat a little chicken. Only one variety of veggie sausages is tolerable!