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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Aggressive/rude behaviour 8 year old

3 replies

Sp1rited · 10/07/2020 13:53

Help!! I am at my wits end. My 8 (nearly 9) year old son has a lot of trouble controlling his emotions at home. He has always been strong willed, and has always had periods of having outbursts however, this 'phase' is pushing me to my limit. He is very big and strong for his age. When tired/asked to do something he doesn't like/told off, he often deals with it by getting into a rage. He shouts in our faces and then the next step is to physically lash out....either a hit/kick/throw something at us etc. He talks back ALL the time. I just don't know what to do anymore! I don't know what's normal and what's not either. He is an angel at school (apparently he can control his emotions there because he doesn't want to get in trouble) and when I tell people what he's like, they find it hard to believe because he's so good. He is very mature, and pretty emotionally intelligent for his age. He gets good grades and has lots of friends. If this had just been happening since lockdown, I may pass it off as that, but every year or two we have phases like this. I vividly remember a very difficult patch around 2 years ago. I research parenting techniques, educate him on anger and come up with ways he can calm down...BUT when he goes into a rage, that all goes out he window and I/my husband become the punching bag. Has anyone else been through this? Any recommendations for techniques that actually worked? I constantly worry for his mental health, but find it so hard to know if this is a mental health issue or part of bringing up a strong willed/spirited child. I have reached out to our local support services so hopefully they will help. We don't have any grandparent support which doesn't help as we are always together. Anyway, sorry for the rant! Any help welcome xx

OP posts:
Hyerin · 11/07/2020 22:11

My son was like this at your son's age too. He was a Jekyll and Hyde at school too lol. Now he is 18 we get along really well and we never have any arguments like we used to.
I think it is a phase they all go through. Try not to react to his strong emotions- he could be trying to get a reaction from you. It will get better after everything is back to normal- he is probably just bored not being able to socialise with friends

delilahbucket · 12/07/2020 08:30

What do you do when he behaves like this? Does he have a set routine for his daily life?

Themadcatparade · 26/08/2020 10:59

When my Dd turned 8 it was like a switch went off in her head she was exactly the same! We had a bad time with me not dealing with it.

Then I started to realise what it was... hormones. I became more understanding and patient with it then when I tried to see it from her shoes - emotions are hard to deal with and she was clearly frustrated and sometimes not realising what was happening to her either. She often told me she felt angry but didn’t know why do lashed out.

We watched a video about puberty which she found hilarious and it settled her as she then knew partly why she was behaving so badly. We also had the talk that she has no excuse to blame it all in puberty because she was in control of her own behaviour and actions.

A year later she’s still cheeky and rude and unreasonable but it’s manageable and nowhere near as bad as it first was.

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