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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Advice - 11yr old , friends, boundaries

1 reply

ballyboy · 16/06/2020 01:19

My DS is 11. He's a lovely personality, very outgoing and fun. He seems to have lots of nice friends in school.

Outside of school he has become friends with a group of boys in the area. They are grand kids but they seem to be allowed so a lot more than I allow my DS to do.

For example, they are allowed out around the streets until 10:30pm. They are allowed go to shopping centre 30 mins walk away and all have phones and lots of spare cash.

My Ds has no phone although we have agreed to get him one soon. We allow him out to play until 9:30 (during summer months) but has to be where we can see him, he's not allowed leave our area which is a large housing estate.

These boys are kind of the 'cool' gang, I'm worried sick about what they might start doing in next few years of rules are so relaxed already.

Ds looks up to them and things they are great. There are soMe lovely kids in his class who's parents would be on the same level as us but Ds is just not interested in playing with them. I think we are very easy going but in comparison to his friends parents, we are coming across very strict. He is upset he has no phone, has to be in early, has to go to bed much earlier then them and isn't given money every day.

I'm so worried about what the future holds. It worries me how much he idolises these kids

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 16/06/2020 01:30

i guess he is getting to that age or stage where he begins to take his values and modelling more from his peers than from his own family.
this is natural and inevitable. he is looking for his tribe.
but there are inherent hazards, as you have correctly identified.
it is the age old worry of parents: running with the wrong crowd, keeping bad company. youngsters can easily be led astray.
when things are re-established, would he be interested in joining any organised activities, in the hope of re-directing his out of school interests and free time.
how about st john's ambulance cadets. they learn useful skills, and can attend events to assist, and meet a good cross-section of people.

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