What time should a 12 year old go to bed?

[Hcwxxx]

I have one son 12yo. My partner has three, 8,10 and 12yo sons.

What time would you say is ideal bed times for them. School nights and weekends???

Also.

Do you think it's important to have family days together doing something or if the 12 year old doesn't want to come he can stay home???

What time does the 12 year old need to get up?

It's how long is a piece of string unless you know what time he has to be up and how much sleep he needs.

A load of people telling you what time their 12 year old goes to bed is utterly meaningless unless they also tell you what time their 12 year old gets up and whether they appear well rested.

On average a 12 year old needs 9 hours actually asleep plus a bit of time to fall asleep - if you don't let them use screens immediately before bed and they get outdoors for exercise they're likely to fall asleep quickly, but other 12 year olds might be in bed just as long but unable to wind down due to screens in their rooms and too little outdoor exercise so still mentally overtired but not physically, which of course can become a cycle...

Tbh the family days out are also not something there should be a fixed rule on especially as the family is blended. Do you all live together? Are the children genuinely step siblings who've been significant parts of one another's lives for many years, or are you trying to force a sibling relationship on children who haven't adjusted to their parents' newish relationship and resent one another? Do the days out take the 12 year old's interests into account sometimes or are they chosen because the adults think they're suitable family days out, or always geared towards the younger children?

Give and take should apply to everyone - yes the 12 year old too, but equally to everyone else.

Blended families are difficult and everyone needs to feel heard.

From memory, about 9.30, then up in the morning about 7.30.

By 14 it was edging towards 10.30 some nights, but that was due to extra-curricular stuff that finished late.

My 13 year old goes to bed at 9 on school nights, and between 9.30 and ten all other times, I can often hear her in her room messing about that and have to drag her out of bed for school

My friends were taking the piss as my 12 year old is in bed 8.45 asleep by 9pm on week nights (9.45 asleep for 10 on weekends) whereas since lockdown theirs don't go to bed until 11pm /midnight.
However mine regardless of when he goes to bed is awake at 6.30 so on a weekday is getting 9.5 hours of sleep and is rested. There's don't wake until earliest midday and sometimes later so they are having more sleep. Basically you have to do what works for yours and results in them being rested.

Yes I think 12 year Olds should come on days out but I know I'm in the minority.

Mine goes at 9 on a school night usually. Although we’ve slipped to 9.30 since lockdown. A lot of her friends seem to be up Whatsapping each other into the early hours though so she feels very hard done by!

It depends on what you're doing really. If the day is always geared towards the 8 yo then no but as a pp said it also depends on how long you've been a blended family. Sometimes the children are so different that if they were at school they wouldn't be friends as they are so different

At 12 they went to sleep 9:30-10:00 on school nights and midnight on Friday/Sat.

Mine goes at 9.45ish normally. It’s later at the moment. When she’s at school she needs to be up at 6.30. Never seems tired but then has never seemed to need loads of sleep and indeed stopped napping at 18mo.

Oh and my 12 year old would be expected to come on a family day out.

My DD has just turned 13 (yr8). When things were normal she needed to leave at 7:30 to catch her bus so bedtime was around 9pm. Her screentime ends then too. Now that we are in COVID times, she just needs to start her assignments at 9am so can sleep later. So sometimes she stays up closer to 10pm but that's really the limit.

I can remember being her age, sharing a room with my 10yo sister and being made to turn out the light at 9pm. I resented the hell out of it. Since she has her own room, I try to be more flexible.

As for days out, although she is sensible, I would not leave her at home alone whilst the rest of us went somewhere (a beach? a theme park? NT house? London?) all day. I have, on occasion, left her for several hours but not without mentioning it to our lovely neighbours. As PP points out, it's important that the day out have something for everyone.

We aim for 9pm lights out. DD turned 12 in March.

Dc just 13 goes to bed at 9pm on a school night, 10pm on weekends (and during lockdown as not so tired.) Occasionally later.

My 11 Yr old usually stays up until around 10pm, upstairs and reading from 9.30pm. During normal times he's up at 7ish, lockdown I'm having to wake him about 8/8.30am. Weekends are more relaxed, no set time. Some of his friends are up until 1/2am!