Preteens
DD Year 7 worries
BaconAndAvocado · 03/03/2020 22:31
DD started secondary school last September and still hasn't settled.
She said that all the girls in her class have organised themselves into pairs, except her. I think she really wants that one special friend.
Some of the girls are unkind to her.
Before half term she was crying every day because a girl in her class was talking about her. A few times recently she's said that she wants to be homeschooled as she hates school so much.
The school has signed her up for a Resilience course (9 others in Year 7 are on the course). Having spoken to the SENCO, this is a result of her going to the Pastoral team when she's been upset and being flagged up.
I don't know how seriously to take her worries. Part of me thinks that secondary school is, in the main, just shit and you have to endure it until you get to the better bits (university or work).
Another part of me wants to find a way of making it better for her.
I'm trying to get her to focus on all the good things in her life but it's upsetting seeing her like this.
I feel like phoning the school tomorrow but I don't think she's being bullied as such and I know they can't wave a magic wand and make everything ok in the same way that primary schools can, i.e encouraging specific friendships.
Help!
al2616 · 03/03/2020 23:13
I would suggest talking to her form tutor. Do you have their email address? At the very least it will mean someone looking out for her at school.
Has it been like this since September or has something recently happened?
InconvenientPeg · 04/03/2020 07:55
Has she got outside interests? Getting her involved in something totally outside of school might help if it is a case of grin and bear it. Also it could take the focus away from what's happening in school if she's got something to look forward to outside. I hated secondary, so she has my sympathy!
hairquestions2019 · 04/03/2020 08:03
Has the school done anything about the girls being unkind and talking about her? I know in reality it can be difficult for a school to stop this, but they may have some strategies?
I would start by speaking to the form tutor or head of year or whoever the appropriate person is. You're right that there are sometimes no easy solutions, but they may have policies in place for these situations. It is miserable to be miserable at school, and there may be something they can suggest - maybe a change of form if she hasn't 'gelled' with her class? It can happen - there is a surprising amount of 'chemistry' in it and sometimes you just end up in a class that you don't fit in with.
Maybe too soon to consider this, but do you have any other schools nearby you could look at if these things don't improve?
BaconAndAvocado · 04/03/2020 09:39
I've just spoken to the SENCO.
(When DD had been crying in class she had gone to the SEN department, which is linked to Pastoral Care, so I had spoken to the SENCO about a week ago about this and about the Resilience course.)
She was very helpful and understanding and is going to email the Head of House, Form Tutor and other teaching staff so they are aware of the situation. She also said that the staff will look at rearranging seating plans.
As you said al2616 I just want people to be looking out for her.
She also said the girl who is being unkind will be spoken to without mentioning DD's name.
inconvenient yes, she plays for a football team 3 times a week and usually loves it. But at training last night DH said that she was tearful afterwards and had taken everything the manager was saying to heart - a result of her rubbish day at school I think.
hairquestions we did talk about her possibly moving House but she's decided that she doesn't want this as she won't be able to be Sports Captain if she moves.
I'm definitely not considering moving schools. I know what she's going through can and does happen everywhere there is a high concentration of Tweens and teenagers and that wouldn't be the answer. It's more about the school doing all they can to improve her experience there and also for her to develop ways of dealing with negative situations.
It's just so hard.......before she went to sleep last night she said that she wished she was back at her primary school. I guess this is probably the experience of thousands of Year 7s 😑
BiscuitMachine · 04/03/2020 13:11
OP I could have written your post. I'm here looking on this board because I'm off work today because my yr7 daughter was too upset to go to school. She also hasn't settled, and hasn't found a friend. She went to a different school to her primary friends, and now they seem to have grown apart. She is is still quite a young 12, and feels like she doesn't fit in, everyone acts 'older'. She has also recently started her periods, which has just added to the misery. It sound like your school is being helpful to you, and so is my daughters school.
I don't really know what to suggest, but it might help to know you are not alone. Outside interests are good, but my DD was so upset yesterday after school she couldn't go to hers.
BaconAndAvocado · 04/03/2020 14:52
Ah Biscuit I'm sorry to hear your DD is going through the mill too at the moment.
And, yes, it's definitely good to know that I'm not alone.
Yes, I think the school is being helpful but I do understand that as much as I would like DD to make that special friendship, it may not happen.
Really hoping she's having a good day.....
BiscuitMachine · 04/03/2020 16:47
Thanks Bacon, I hope she did have a good day. I've got a meeting with pastoral and head of year tomorrow, so hopefully some sort of action plan will come out of it.
BaconAndAvocado · 04/03/2020 17:18
Ive just spoken to her very briefly and she said it was the same as yesterday, so not good......we'll speak properly later but I know what she'll say and I won't know how to make it better.
I'm not going to tell her I spoke to the SENCO today as she'll be mortified.
I hope your daughter is ok and that your meeting goes well tomorrow. Please let me know any magic solutions!
hairquestions2019 · 04/03/2020 20:00
It's true, yr 7 can be very very difficult for the ones who for whatever reason don't make friends straightaway. Meanwhile the others can appear to be having a great time, even if they do have their own stresses!
And I think it can often be very hard for the 'socially younger' ones - not younger in age necessarily, but in interests. By Yr 7 there's a cohort who are quite into fashion, make up and so on - for the 'younger' ones it's a problem partly because they're just not interested so find it hard to join in the conversations, and partly because the 'older' ones don't really want to have too much to do with them - they're seen as uncool (though doubt that word is used!)
The key thing is for the dc to find like minded people, and that can get progressively harder as your confidence plummets.
Are there any lunch or after-school clubs they could join at school where they may meet people with interests in common - choir, sport, languages, book club, anything where there's some structure and an activity which takes some of the pressure off?
BaconAndAvocado · 05/03/2020 17:15
Everything in your post is true hair
Not sure about the clubs.....
The key thing is for DC to find like minded people
My thoughts exactly but that hasn't happened yet.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.