Good rules for first smart phone

[Echobelly]

DD (11) attends a school with very strict rules for no smart phones on site, even in bags and turned off, and the kids do stick to that. She has a 'dumb' phone (which is allowed) but although she's been uncomplaining about it, it's clear in conversation that almost all the other kids have smart phones they use outside school hours and that she may be missing out on social opportunities due to the lack of one. She's having a nice time out of school seeing friends from primary school and some non-school friends, and although she sometimes does drop by new school mates on the way home from school, it sounds like most are coordinating their social life via whatsapp and don't have their brick phones on at the weekend, and it's difficult to coordinate with some of her closest friends who have separated parents and thus slightly complicated movements between them at weekends.

I can't really argue with that as I remember that I joining both FB and then WhatsApp later on because they were becoming how my friends made most of their arrangements, so DH and I reckon she should have one.

I'm inclined to set following rules:

• Use WhatsApp for chats with friends (maybe setting a max number at a time?)
• No joining class/year group chats, heard too many awful things about them and one boy who was her friend has already changed school largely due to WhatsApp bullying from a class group
• I would like to check messages about once a week - not cos I think she'll do anything dodge, but to check on other kids. She can be stoic and downplay people being not so nice to her.
• No other apps she's under official age limit for
• Plugged in and charging downstairs by a certain time in the evening
• May set limits on time phone is operational for.

Anything else I should consider? She is generally cooperative and it's not characteristic of her to lie and hide things. Overall I'd much rather do things on trust and not check things, but I'm just not sure it's an option with the potential things that can happen, and she's rather uncoventional, so could be a target for unpleasantness.

Just make sure you set her account up as a child's account which you administer so that she can't download any other apps.

Every you have suggested though seems very sensible. We have ours quite old phones for the first year so they could prove that they could look after them.

Thanks, I'm looking at a tariff that is quite affordable and includes a slightly older model android phone.

Remember WhatsApp messages can be deleted, though, and you wouldn't know that she has deleted them

Not sure about "banning" the class/year group chats. I would say better to let her take part in them (if the main reason for the phone is social), talk to you about what people are saying in them and work out herself whether she wants to stay in them. Better for her to work that out now, than later, when bullying is more likely to start. IME Year 7 chat it mostly banal anyway.

I'd also suggest adding rules that she is responsible for keeping it charged up, telling you if the credit is getting low (if PAYG) and keeping it with her when out. But hopefully you might have these rules in place with the brick phone anyway.

I set a three hour limit on my 11year olds. If she goes over she loses it the next day
I'd also have a chat about how she uses texts and chats/ eg there are lots of daft chain type texts - send this to ten wonderful friends and this will happen etc etc... that can cause problems and in the group chats there are some kids that really get it wrong on there - my daughter will remind others that I check on her chats if there's anything unkind going on which seems to work quite well (I'm amazed so many year 6 parents clearly don't check these chats)

I know she could delete chat content, but I guess that is a chance one has to take. @Thirtyrock39 - good call about chain texts etc, I can see she might go for that if not warned!

As well as imposing rules, get into good habits about talking about what she is doing online and who she is interacting with.
I know it's recommended to check online use at this age, but my feeling is that a child with something to hide will hide it. Better that they feel they can talk openly about it to you.

Yes, I hope to do that, I would rather avoid too many rules.

I'm looking into getting a phone for DD, so following this for suggestions..

Google Family link is very good app to control usage, set limits, block apps etc.

We've kept them out of the bedroom. Also we're allowed to check their phones whenever we like. No Snapchat as messages self delete. And a non existent data allowance on a cheap ee sim)which grows through bonuses over time, so now Ds (16) has loads of data, but dd (almost 11) has hardly any. So there's limit to what she can get up to out of the house (obviously both of them know every hotspot within 50miles so it is not as limiting as it once was!).

Interesting. I've just remembered I have a moto g smartphone that I think works but I stopped using it as I just didn't like UX. Might just stick a sim in that, at least for starters.