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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

So worried about dd

9 replies

Peppapug71 · 28/02/2020 16:43

Hi. My dd is 11. She’s in year 6 and is, and has always, struggled with friendships at school. I don’t know why this is. I’ve had plenty of friends over at dd’s request over the years. Had a few sleepovers. Dd has never been invited for a sleepover.

She’s often in tears as she doesn’t know why she struggles with friends - in context, she’s a bright, kind girl, very pretty but with zero confidence. Last week, she told me that she felt it would be better if she was dead. Obviously I’m worried sick. I’ve told school, spoken to her teacher and to the head teacher about dd. She’s going to be seen by the school nurture team but nothing much else. One girl in particular is nasty to her , calls her fat, boring etc which is making things worse. I’ve told school about this but they glossed over it and told me to be positive about school. Does this count as bullying? Or falling out with a friend?

Dd is very anxious. Her anxiety has been bad for about a year. It’s OCD type issues - excessively handwashing in particular. Her hands are so dry, bleeding and sore. I’ve talked to her endlessly about it. I massage cream into her hands each day. She won’t sleep in her own bed as she’s frightened (my husband works away in the week) so dd is in with me. I’ve taken her to our GP, no help there, apparently there are no funds etc and the GP told me to talk to school. I asked if she might have ASD as my ds has ASD and is 15. This was dismissed out of hand. Dd was assessed some time ago and was deemed NT.

Dd thinks she ugly and fat. I’ve tried everything I can think of to support her - girls shopping trips, just me and her, lots of talking and reassuring.
Pretty clothes, treats. She does karate and is a brown belt now. I thought it would help to make her feel more confident. Any ideas what I can do ? Thank you xx

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 28/02/2020 17:31

can you see if you have a relate centre near you? (map of locations here). they offer counselling for young people which your daughter may find useful, especially if the gp won't do anything. Sorry I can't be more helpful x

Mustbearealadultnow · 01/03/2020 23:35

Sorry to hear what your dd is going through, I know how upsetting it is as my dd always has friendship problems.

One thing I woukd say, I find with schools that unless you push really hard they won't give you any time or support.

With schools I write very long emails detailing incidents that happened including dates, I. Portent information 'your dd said it would be better if she was dead' your concerns for her wellbeing and how this is all affecting her.

Copy in the headteacher and anyone else that you think maybe be able to help and then chase them for answers.

It's not acceptable for them to ignore this and you need them to help you with your dd while she is in their care.

Take a tough line with them and push for results.

I hate children not feeling supported by schools xx

GrumpyHoonMain · 01/03/2020 23:37

I would stop her going to the school, take her to the GP, and make plans to either move schools or home educate for a bit.

245Blossom · 10/03/2020 15:49

Peppapug71, how have the last few days been? It could be bullying that has started the I want to die comments. It's heartbreaking to hear it said from someone so young.

You should be able to get camhs referral from the gp, which may well result in the see the school nurse outcome. But most schools I believe have good pastoral care. if the behaviours aren't noticed at school the offer of help won't be forthcoming and they'll be forms to fill in to access it.

I hope you're getting somewhere now.

Peppapug71 · 10/03/2020 21:13

Hi everyone. Just to say thank you for your advice. I saw the teacher again, she didn’t want to see me but I insisted. I told her it was bullying. I then emailed the headteacher quoting the schools anti bullying policy. The next day, I thought nothing would be done but when I collected dd, the teacher spoke to me and explained that she and the headteacher had spoken to the girl in question and she had admitted everything!! They then did a type of restorative justice with this girl and dd. The girl apologised to dd, she was in tears and told her she didn’t mean it.

So now dd is fine. She and the girl are ok, not friends but ok with each other. Thank you all for your advice - I have lost my own mum so I don’t really have anyone to ask about these things. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Trixiepixie6 · 06/04/2020 00:33

I’m glad things have settled a bit for your Dd. It really does sound like it could be ASD. Could you go privately to an educational psychologist to get her assessed? If not I would try and get her some therapy for her anxiety. It’s what will be recommended anyway if she does have asd. I’m not an expert but I’ve been through a lot of this with my own kids I feel I could write a book at this stage Grin

JiltedJohnsJulie · 11/04/2020 09:47

How is she coping with lockdown @Peppapug71?

Peppapug71 · 11/04/2020 11:11

She’s ok thanks. She’s been good at doing her school work but would be quite happy if schools went back.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 11/04/2020 11:39

That's good news. Glad she's okThanks

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