What limitations do you put on 11/12 year old phone?

[ArizonaTrashBag]

Dd (nearly 12) has a smartphone. There are parental restrictions on it and our WiFi, and she has WhatsApp but no social media like Facebook, Instagram etc (despite a lot of her friends having them) she's proven she doesn't take Internet safety seriously numerous times (we have had many discussions)

She is on it constantly, and I need to put my foot down. How much are your pre teens allowed on their phone, are they allowed on you tube on it? Internet browsers?

Do you have an automatic screen time restriction (won't work after so many hours) or do you let them on once jobs are done round the house? Or do you manually control how long they are on it.

Its my fault for not taking control of this sooner, but I'm ready to become very unpopular with her now.

I have a 12yo DD. She has instagram etc and seems to be sensible with it (I know her code and do random checks - she knows this).

The most important rules are no phone at mealtimes and no phone after 8.30pm. Apart from that, as long as she gets all her homework done (she is v conscientious) and has other interests too (netball, basketball and choir in her case), I'm relaxed about the number of hours spent on it.

Thanks, I've nothing against Instagram but I don't trust dd. She had picsart and that has a chat feature on it which I didn't know and she was talking to loads of strangers and the conversations where very inappropriate. She is on her phone constantly, and is always arguing with someone or other. She needs boundaries with it.

I think what they're doing on their phones is as important as how much time they spend on it.

Face timing friends okay, mindless arguments on Whatsapp not okay, scrolling through bloody TikTok okay for short periods, free range of the internet even with parental controls no way.

Also, how sensible the individual child is. If your dd doesn't really get internet safety and to be fair it's complex for children to understand, I wouldn't let her have either YouTube or the internet on it tbh.

You can only allow certain apps and lock down time via apps like Family Link.

3 hours max a day for 11 yo and 3.5 hrs for 13 yo. If they go over these limits they lose it the next day- I check the screen time in the settings. I do look at the average so if they've gone over by a little bit but average is under that's ok . They took a bit of time to get used to these limits but they're good with it now and don't make a fuss if they lose their phones if they go over .I don't think just having an off time is enough personally. I also don't let them have their phones in their room from half an hour before lights out

Dd is nearly 13 but had her phone since 11th birthday.

We use the family link app by Google on our Android phones.

She has a 3 hr daily limit.

It automatically shuts off (except emergency calls) at 9pm until 7am.

She can't download any apps without asking my or DH permission ( a message is automatically sent to both our phones and one of us has to approve it).

She can't access you tube at all, though she does have it on her Chromebook. And various age restrictions are set on music, games and videos.

I have the code and can check it whenever I want, though rarely do it now as she's never done anything remotely interesting on it!

Me, DH and DD all have location sharing in Google maps turned on so we can see where all our phones are at any time. Useful for knowing when to go and collect her from the bus, where DH has got to on a bike ride, and when she left it on the bus we watched it riding the bus about town until we got it back!

She has whatsapp and Snapchat. Not Instagram or Facebook or tictok or anything else.

Before she was allowed WhatsApp or Snapchat she had to research them, and sit down with DH who is very IT savvy. She had to explain why she wanted them, what they were used for, why some people might not like them and the pitfalls/dangers of each.

Dh has said she might get Instagram when she is 14 but she will have to go through the above process first and satisfy DH that she is responsible and sensible enough first

Thank you all thats really helpful info.

We know the codes to thier phones and will randomly have a check through which they know we do.
They can’t download any apps without a pop up on our phones to authorise it
All emails sent and received also go to DHs phone
Internet is locked down as much as it can be to block inappropriate sites as much as we can
They are only allowed to be friends with/follow/be followed by people they know in real life and no adults (mainly as adults post stuff that young teens don’t really need to see eg DHs much younger sister ok drink nights out etc)
We don’t limit actual time spent on them but no electronics in bedrooms overnight, no electronics at meals and we sometimes have a no electronics morning or afternoon.

DD(12) has a 1 1/2 hr limit on tiktok on weekdays and 2hrs at weekends. Her screen time automatically blocks at 9pm each night and lives on the landing overnight.
She treats the limit more like a target and usually uses all of it each day and also watches iplayer on her phone. However she doesn't really watch any TV or other screens.
She wants instagram but I'm holding off because I can just see it increasing her screen time even. more.

Mine gets 45 minutes on tablet and 45 on phone each school day, a bit more at weekends. Screen time app. Also bedtime hours so it won't work after 9.00pm (we also leave all phones charging downstairs overnight). I check her phone every now and then (images, Internet history, WhatsApp conversations etc). If she downloads new apps I get notified. She doesn't have Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat.

DDs shuts down (iPhone screen time settings) at 8pm and won't come back til 7am. The WiFi also shuts down for her devices at 8pm. Having all this automated means I don't have to remember and her friends get used to it, so they stop looking for her online. And she can't download apps without parental approval, via iPhones parental controls. Apple make it easy, I'm always amazed so many parents don't use them.

Similar to the above.

Âge 11-12 ds didn’t have safari or any web browser, no sm, no YouTube etc. Just phone, text and a few games.

Âge 12 now and he has safari, YouTube, WhatsApp. Still no sm. he’s not allowed to use it in school, then at home - as long as all homework and activities and chores are done cheerfully ;-) he can use it until dinner around 7pm. Then it’s off and left in the living room till morning. He mostly chats (constantly) to friends on WhatsApp and watches dumb videos on YouTube and tiktok. Oh and I know the code, but promised not to check his messages as he asked for privacy which I am ok with.