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Preteens

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Teaching kids the value of money

3 replies

Chocolategirl79 · 13/01/2020 21:03

I think I've probably left this a bit late but I'm really looking for ideas about teaching my DD (11) a bit more about the value of money as she's just relentless in wanting 'stuff'.

She doesn't get everything she wants but it doesn't stop her asking.

We've just spent a considerable amount on enabling her hobby (a trip, clothes and shoes) which we agreed to last summer. But it follows on after Christmas where she got a lot of money spent on her. Now she's asking for a reasonably big birthday party and for her bedroom to be decorated.
We just can't do it all and I'm so sick of her asking. When she gets a 'no' then she pesters and moves onto the next thing.

It's relentless. We live in a reasonably well off area - she's not spoiled compared to many of her friends but I can't keep up with the demands and I'd really like her to be a bit more appreciative and understanding how lucky she is.

She does get a small amount of pocket money which she has to do jobs for but it's all the 'big' stuff that we would pay for that's the issue. Any ideas for how I can best get this through to her? Simply saying no and explaining we have to work die money doesn't seem to be working!

Thanks

OP posts:
malificent7 · 19/01/2020 14:30

I do feel your pain and i will watch with interest. They do pester. I just go NO ad nauseum and if i need to shout to get the message across i do. It is designed to wear you down. Just don't back down.

Graphista · 19/01/2020 15:05

I'd take the stance the pestering is bad behaviour and requires disciplinary action.

But a lot of the time this type of behaviour is partly down to inconsistency in parenting.

Are you certain if you say "no" you ALWAYS stick to it? With dd if I wasn't certain of my answer straight away I'd say I'd think about it or I needed to check the budget first or it might with this type of thing have been dependent on extra good behaviour from her. BUT the one thing I did from the start was use the word "no" and once I reached the point of saying "no" dd learnt from my actions that it NEVER changed to even a maybe let alone a yes.

But you have to be certain when you use "no" that or will remain a "no" before you use it.

I was a single parent most of dds childhood and never had much money and I was like you honest about that - telling her I simply couldn't afford it. Right from the age where it was worded "no more pennies"

As she got older I discussed with her in an age appropriate way what our bills were and how much things cost. I did my grocery and other shopping "in real life" then and discussed with her things like comparing prices, special offers etc

Have you discussed things like advertising with her?

From quite an early age I discussed with dd the purpose of adverts "to make you spend money on that companies products", that companies spent a lot of money on experts very good at designing persuasive adverts, we discussed what elements certain products employed to do this.

We discussed things like why it's cheaper to eat at home than eat out and the pros and cons of each.

And yes, we discussed that even though we had it pretty tough there were many others worse off than us in this country and overseas. Why this was, what could be done to change it, different types of poverty etc

Tell her exactly how much a big birthday party, redecorating her room etc will cost put it in terms she will "get" - perhaps x months/years of pocket money or even x months of your FULL wages, at her age you could even get her to price it up herself and work out herself how many months of your wage - how many hours of your labour it would cost.

What chores does she do? I'm not really a fan of linking all chores to pocket money. Some are and should be a normal part of being a part of a family. So stuff she does for herself - keeping room clean and tidy, including hoovering, changing bed and dusting/polishing, getting her school bag ready for the next day, sorting her laundry and putting clean clothes away - not pocket money worthy.

Doing chores in other parts of the house, Dishes, hoovering, mopping, other people's laundry, cooking, tidying, dusting/polishing - pocket money worthy.

Plus you have carrot - you need stick too.

My dd still occasionally went through pester periods in spite of all the other stuff I think they all do at some point but if she reacted badly to a "no" - grounded for a day! Kept it up? Another day. Grounded = straight home from school, no phone no tech time aside from homework which I monitored, dinner, brief leisure time, shower/bath and bed.

It's not too late but I do think you need to tackle this now before the teens hit.

Graphista · 19/01/2020 15:14

Sorry meant to also say you have to also be absolutely spot on with not letting her play you off against each other too and inconsistency occurring that way.

Ie "if mum says no ill just ask dad instead"

Dad (or whichever one most likely to fall for this) CANNOT fall for

No I haven't asked mum already

Mum says it's ok

Mum says it's up to you

Mum says she's ok with it if you are.

The answer must always be "I'll talk to [other parent] about it before WE give you an answer" when it's something you think that the other parent might have a different view on.

A united front is essential

Again dd tried this once - very poorly it must be said! Ex and I do not get on well to put it mildly BUT we have very similar outlooks on what is and isn't ok for Dd to do/have so when she tried to persuade dad I was anywhere close to letting her have a mobile phone at a very young age - he knew she was at it! And told me straight away and we both spoke to her about it and told her that would never work (playing us off against each other)

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