Fussiness about clothes 'rubbing'

[onlytuesday]

Looking for some tips. My 10yo daughter has always been fussy about clothes, hates anything too tight, with seams, labels have to all be cut out etc. Was kind of hoping she'd have grown out of it by now but no such luck. Every time she needs some new item of clothing or shoes there's usually some kind of battle over it because everything is 'uncomfortable'.

I feel like I've tried everything over the years; bribery, telling off, trying to reason with her that it's not uncomfortable just new or different. She's very self conscious now of how worked up she gets over it and gets anxious before she's even tried anything new on.

Problem is now she's starting puberty she needs bras, that was a nightmare finding one that was acceptable to her. I can see the ones I bought her a while ago are too small now and actually rubbing but she insists they aren't probably cos she doesn't want to have new ones 🤦🏻‍♀️ this is what I don't get, she'd rather wear stuff that's too small and rubbing than get something new because it might be uncomfortable it just doesn't make sense 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm dreading periods as I know she will hate having to wear a pad.

Anyway, if anyone has any experience with this and has found any successful techniques for how to manage I'd be most grateful to hear them!

my dd used to be similar, and I ended up washing everything once or twice before she put it on, sometimes with fabric softener if I knew it wouldn't damage it. I also found it was easier for me to buy clothes, bring them home and present them to her rather than trying to drag her to the shops as she just got worked up over the whole experience. she grew out of it by the time she was starting secondary school and luckily she didn't need bras before then- although it might be worth looking for braletts rather than bras, and don't get underwired ones.

all the best x

It's a sensory thing, try not to be annoyed with her, as she probably does feel this way about it! You can try reading the book too fast, too bright, too loud, too tight.

Does she actually need a bra for support, or just for coverage at the moment? If more for coverage, I would look at stretchy type things like sports bras, or vest tops which have a bra "built in". I don't usually wear a bra because I find them uncomfortable, and I find these to be better - they were what I mostly wore during pregnancy when I really did need the support. Agree with avoiding underwire (not good for developing breasts anyway) and bralets being better than full bras.

You can try looking for clothing designed to be stretchy and soft and seam-free, it's usually designated as "loungewear".

She might find period pants more comfortable than pads. Or even a cup, although I would have struggled massively to use a cup as a teenager myself.

I feel your pain. My DD was like this and still is to some extent, although it is getting better. All labels cut out of everything, shirts have to be 100% cotton, tights and socks as near to 100% cotton as you can get, 100% organic cotton knickers, all shipped in at vast expense from Germany or France, school shirts with no stiffening in the collars, no acrylic or artificial fibres at all (school uniform is a complete and utter nightmare as everything is acrylic and/or polyester....) Eczema clothing websites are good for soft school uniform with concealed seams and no labels on the inside and things like socks and tights, eg cotton comfort. For school shirts I once had to buy a spare one and go to a seamstress who made me new shirts with no stiffening in the collar and cuffs, school skirts I got lined by a seamstress with soft fabric. 100% cotton clothing is definitely the best, you have to really look for it but it is out there online and on obscure websites. And clothes shopping is hideous - floods of tears, having to rush home because of itchy skin etc etc. I solved the bra problem by taking her for a proper fitting at House of Frazer - the lady there was fantastically helpful and found bras that were comfortable. There are no shortcuts, if she has really sensitive skin there is not much you can do about it you just have to adapt. And period pants are definitely more comfortable, we have modibodi ones but there are lots of different brands. Hope this helps!

My DD age 10 is the same.
Never worn anything other than leggings!
I also find it easier to pick a few bits up that are super soft, no glitter etc and bring it home as I think shopping heightens the sensory issues.
Look for seamless bras maybe ?

Can you not get the same bras but in the next size up? Put them through the wash a few times and substitute in her drawer?

I do feel your pain though-my dd is the same-pants have to come from Boden at £30 for a pack of 7 (I happily pay this as the alternative used to be refusing to get dressed/endless bouts of sobbing)

Socks have become less of an issue now she’s getting older but still have to have plenty of ‘safe’ pairs available for if she’s having a sensitive day.

Shirts-she hates them feeling and ‘sound’ of them. I keep looking at 100% cotton ones (JL do some) but can’t face the ironing and at the moment she is managing.

We’ve just bought a pack of crop tops from primark-the shiny Lycra type ones. They also do seamless ones but she wanted thin straps.

I wear seamless, non sized bras myself as I also find the normal ones uncomfortable-there’s a massive range now in primark and supermarkets.

There have been small improvements over the last year (she’s 10 now). She now owns and wears jeans and can sometimes rationalise that an item may feel uncomfortable initially but that she will get used to it. She will occasionally choose ‘fashion’ over comfort but only if she’s in a good place to start with.

This all sounds bonkers written down. It just becomes normal when you’ve lived with it for 10 years!

Dreading periods starting. I think she will find the whole thing unbearable.

It's so helpful to know we're not alone with this! Thanks everyone. I'm going to search for some crop tops with a bit of support rather than getting her more bras. I've heard of the modibodi knickers, I was going to get some for my eldest so will see how she gets on with them then when the time comes I can try her sister with them too.

We had a tantrum this morning because she has some new school skirts that we tried yesterday and were apparently too tight (because she pulls them up too far cos she doesn't like things sitting on her hips 🤦🏻‍♀️). I said yesterday let's give them another go today but she still won't have it. It's situations like this I never know whether to persevere or just give in and let her wear her old ones that are too short?!

Does your dc have any learning disabilities or sensory disorders? My ds is the same, he refuses to wear his school sweatshirt or coats with cuffs on the sleeves, he also will only wear things that are plain, no patterns or logos. We have been told that it is part of his Autism.

With mine there’s no point persevering once she’s in a state.Give in for now and try again in a better frame of mind

But I am sneaky and would perhaps engineer a situation where she had to get ready with a friend and the new skirts were the only ones in the wardrobe.

Dd still wears the soft jersey skirts. Dreading high school as they have a much stiffer uniform skirt. She also hasn’t worn tights since she was a toddler so I’m also concerned about her looking daft wearing socks with high school uniform as the girls I see seem to wear tights all year round.

I usually wash them and put them in the draw to use I had a but of an issue because my son spotted a pair of new trousers today but he has gone in wearing them

Slightly different, but I have sensitive skin due to eczema and struggle with clothing that isn’t 100% cotton (or at least 95%).

Something I find helpful if I have to wear a tailored skirt is to wear a longline vest or a cotton dress slip. It’s an easy way of adding a cotton lining to clothes that aren’t soft.

I’ve just had to chuck a perfect pair of cotton tights that were really soft (I tend to find cotton tights scratchy and not smooth usually). I’m kicking myself as I can’t remember where I bought them so can’t replace them.

Sensory issues can be linked to autism or dyspraxia.

Other than that, no suggestions, as DD1 (dyspraxia) is fussy but not to that extent.

@Nat6999 a few years ago I looked into whether she had SPD but I don't think she ticks enough boxes. She has mild dyslexia (undiagnosed) but not dyspraxic. Basically I think she's just a bit particular about her clothing!

I am very similar to your daughter. It is horrible. I can’t wear certain types of clothes - for example, at night I have to wear pyjama bottoms but they have to be 100% cotton (shirt type cotton not jersey as that makes me shudder) they also have to be v large size, though I am a size 8 Because I can’t bear to feel them on my waist when in bed.

ADHD can have sensory issues attached as well, I reckon that's where it comes from for DS1 and I, as we both have that. SPD is usually linked to autism but it can present separately although it doesn't tend to be as intense as it is to autistic people.

I found the book useful even though for me and DS1 it's nowhere near as severe as most people with autism find it. It helped me understand the difference between sensory defensiveness and sensory seeking, for example, and why I like heavy covers/tight coats but can't bear skinny jeans and so on. But more interesting than crucial.

Recommend cycling shorts under school skirt if not keen on tights

It's a sensory thing. I still have to cut all the labels out of clothes and I'm in my 50s. The uncomfortable feeling of a label chafing, a rough seam or the wrong kind of fabric is unbearable. My DS, 22, has always been similar. Your DD may not grow out of it, but she will learn to manage it.

If it’s related to autism/dyspraxia/ADHD or any other pervasive developmental disorder then peer pressure as an OP suggested, or tellings-off, simply won’t work.

I’d look into OT for sensory integration, possibly

For the time being letting her choose her own clothing might not be a bad idea.

Unfortunately OT (and other interventions) didn’t work for me, so the next best thing was just to let me choose things myself. I don’t always go for conventional things, so if you’re worried about bullying perhaps some vetoing may be needed there.