12 yo has searched for porn

[AndNowItsHappeningInMine]

NC as people know my other name.

I've just discovered pornhub has been searched on DS's laptop.

He got it for Xmas and I haven't put any locks on it yet (I don't know how to do anything on computers)
Obviously, that's my next move, but how do I approach this?
I've talked with him before a about porn and how it doesn't have any resemblance to a a healthy, loving physical relationship, and that it is damaging for girls AND boys. So now I'm wondering if I put the bloody idea in his head as well as giving him opportunity to search for it. I don't want to make him feel bad, i know it's natural to be curious 1
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I can't get rid of the pop up ad on my screen so I can't see what I've typed.

Sure it’s not your husband

Definitely not my partner, I can see what day it was, and we don't live together yet.
I wouldn't accept it from him, either.
I'm gutted. I only glanced for one second, but it was disgusting. Absolutely vile. I haven't brought myself to look properly. I will have to, obviously, once ds is in bed.

Was it fetish? I’d assume it was out of curiosity, but I’d be putting some parental locks on the laptop and letting him know why. There are quite a few documentary’s about on the sex industry. Might be worth watching one with him to give him another persons perspective and hear from men and women in the industry.

Maybe worth taking to him about ethical porn.

I've got this issue too OP. I discovered pornhub on dds tablet search history last night. This happened on her mobile about a year ago too and I felt partially responsible as we'd been discussing AIDS (she'd asked what it was so I had her researching to answer her questions). This obviously made her curious and later that night she accessed porn on her phone. She was only 11 and I felt sick at what she'd seen. I discussed the problems with porn and she seemed to understand. What I can't understand is how porn came up when searching last night. There's parental controls on her tablet. She was looking for cute 12 yo boys and at some young actors. I don't think she purposely looked and she soon clicked off. Now I have to have that conversation again. Along with discussing how her constant flouting of the rules on tablets means she can't have it at all. I hate technology from this point of view.

OP if it helps, I'll be using the approach of it being natural to be curious but that these sites are not representative of normal and are damaging to both sexes. I'll discuss respect, coercion and consent and the issues surrounding porn. We've talked about it before but she needs a reminder. I'll tell her that she can always come to me with any questions and I'll always answer them honestly as best I can. I'd rather her have proper information than get it from porn.

It's a tough one and a tough age

OP I don't know if this helps but I bookmarked this page which was shared on a similar thread on here recently:

www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/teenager/teen-behaviour/heres-what-to-do-if-you-catch-your-child-watching-pornography/news-story/0ba786737b40a675e9f0078b7752d973

I don't have any experience of this but i saved it for future ref as I have a ds who is approaching this age. Good luck. The world has changed a lot since we were teens

My DC are young so I have not come across this yet, but I did grow up in a culture where porn was easily accessible and most of us had seen something by 12/13. Having said that, I do appreciate that the internet, which we did not have when I was young it was just magazines and videos, does give access to a lot more things.

I would take a different approach. You can try to curtail access. You might even be successful for a while until he finds another access route or becomes better than you at technology, but all that would do is delay the inevitable. Essentially he needs to decide what his approach will be in relation to porn and make his choice. This is not something you can impose on him for very much longer.

I would suggest you talk to him but not impose controls. Leave him to decide and make it easy for him to come to you if he has questions or sees something upsetting. If anything I would be helping him to find sites with real people having real sex in consensual situations. I know this is a very controversial approach but I think children have to make the right moral decisions for themselves, they cannot be imposed on them by parents.

cat that's the website I used before I spoke to him, someone shared it above (I can't see because of pop up ads on my bloody screen) I found it really useful.
He said someone at school had told him to look for that website.
We discussed consent and I explained, again, that porn was not representative of a loving, healthy, sexual relationship, and I told him that the scenes they showed were a tiny percentage of what went on, (as with all movies) and I talked about porn bloopers being distressed women crying.
I didn't blame him for looking/being curious but I did say I was gutted that my little boy had witnessed some of the things he'd viewed. I told him that porn hurts boys and girls, and skews your idea of what is normal, and can desensitise arousal.
I must say I found it a bit difficult in my feelings that the patriarchy is to blame for this being seen as acceptable - to not sound like a bloody man hater.

Oh, the website wasn't shared on this thread, I did a search MN and found it elsewhere. But yes, it's very useful thanks.

I’m sure it’s a huge shock and disturbing but It’s fantastic that you caught it, so you can educate him.

Yes. Speak to him.