Sleepovers

[Lollysticks12]

My 12 year old son's sleepovers go on til 4am when he's at a friends house, apparently this is fine with the parents he stays at, I won't allow it as I don't want a moody child for the next couple of days, am I too strict ?

Yes

It was normal when ds was that age. He seemed to cope with it ok when he was 12, but when he was a little older and it meant he was still tired for school on Monday we only had sleepovers during holidays/long weekends.

No. I don't think you are.
When mine had sleepovers, by 11 / 11.30 I'd be telling them to settle down. Yes, I know they'd probably not sleep for another hour or so but they knew that any noise after midnight meant no more sleepovers.

What's to be gained by them trying to stay awake until 4am ?

Yes you are being too strict.
We used to call them "wake overs" and abandon all pretence that anyone would be getting any sleep.

Why would you have a moody child for 2 days after a late night? Surely a bit of a long lie and a 12 year old will be fine! (Unless there is a drop fees re health to come)

The whole point of sleepovers is that you stay awake as long as you can

Oh I’m obvs on my own here, but no I def don’t think you’re too strict...12yos expected to be in bed & quiet by 11pm at absolute max, 10yos by 9:30. But then we have utter mega busy lives driving long distances regularly & lack of sleep is dangerous- our kids are expected to respect this. I think this whole culture of ‘let them do what the f@ck they want’ is quite scary.

I think this whole culture of ‘let them do what the f@ck they want’ is quite scary.

Allowing them to stay up a few hours extra when they are 12 isn't the same a letting them do what the fuck they want. No need to be scared. It doesn't turn them into serial killers or anything.

I asked for lights out and being fairly quite by 11/11.30pm unless her friend stays over because we take her for a day out the next day. Then I ask for sleep by 10pm as I refuse to have two overtired girls on a trip.

4am is a bit late for me.

When I was 12, a sleepover wasn't a sleepover unless we at least tried an all-nighter .. (don't think I ever managed it until I was 16 and there was drink involved).

I really don't like it when the other parents (however nice they are) let my son and friends do whatever they want at night (Nerf gun battle at 5am anyone?)
They are too young to be responsible and get themselves to bed at a reasonable time.
I do a curfew at midnight if there are a few friends and earlier if only ome or two friends.

No you're not being strict at all. My dc are 18, 16 and 13 and I've hosted a fair few sleepovers. They've always settled down by 12 at the latest.

You can still have a fun sleepover without staying up all night and feeling crap the next day!

The whole point of sleepovers is that you stay awake as long as you can

No it isn't! Mine have always had fun at sleepovers whether here or at their friends' houses. They watch movies, eat pizza/sweets etc, do their nails/hair etc but still go to sleep by midnight.

Staying awake 'til 4am is silly. My DC have been on sleepovers where one child was insistent on staying awake until the early hours and each time both my DC have come home and essentially said 'that was really boring, I was knackered, everyone got irritable, can I not have a sleepover with them again'. Once we had a boy here who wouldn't go to sleep, my son and the other boy sleeping over wanted to sleep at about midnight but this boy would not be quiet. He was pretty loud and kept me and my DH up, and my youngest child in the next room . . . . . we kept going in and asking him to be quiet but he wouldn't. I thought it was really entitled and rude, and he has never been invited back. That kind of sleep deficit doesn't just disappear with one lie-in, it'll linger for days. My DC are almost never ill - we're talking missing one day of school every 3/4 years. I realise that we're really lucky, but I'm also sure that prioritising their sleep (and eating healthy and exercise) is a huge part of that.