My son is quite dramatic and intense. He’s already liked girls for a while and it has caused no end of drama. I’ve checked his phone tonight and found out that a girl near us is actually his girlfriend and he’s been hiding it from me. He’s been going to her house, into her bedroom and lying to me about where he was. Her parents are aware of this and I gather there are other kids also in the room so it’s not just the two of them.
He has told a few friends that he has now lost his virginity. He then went on to explain that they had ‘dry sex’. It seems that another friend pushed him on top of her on the bed so he was lying on her and then got up. I think he’s exaggerating it to sound impressive to other kids. They’ve apparently been lying on her bed together though, which I am really not happy about. They’ve been holding hands and have kissed on the lips once or twice. I don’t think holding hands or a quick kiss are too much of a problem at this age as it’s still quite innocent, but I’m very uneasy. He has also given her a love bite. Somebody told him that you suck someone’s neck to leave a mark when you love them so he did it.
Aside from the inappropriate stuff, they are both very intense and attention seeking and it’s ridiculous at their age. She constantly messages him with attention seeking things, claiming that she’s crying or has hurt herself or is going to faint or kill herself. She has also sent him photos of herself crying and zoomed in pictures of small cuts which she says are from cutting but look like paper cuts etc. If he doesn’t reply, she tells his friends these things so that they pass on her urgent messages. Their messages are very much ‘us against the world’ and full of teen angst. She talks a lot about love and relationships and how she’s had her heart broken so many times and it’s why she’s depressed. To clarify, they are both just under twelve years old. It is a bit disturbing to read.
Another parent contacted me today to tell me that she found messages on her sons phone where this girl asked if he wanted a topless photo. She told him to also ask my son. The topless photo didn’t happen but she sent a photo of herself in revealing clothing obviously intended to look sexy. The other parent has passed this information on to the school today.
I have no idea what to do. I am so worried and disappointed that he has been intentionally lying to me. He is now grounded for a month and has had his phone removed for the foreseeable future because he obviously can’t be trusted with it. The problem is that he’s refusing to stop having a girlfriend and I think it’s unrealistic for me to enforce this. I’ve told him we’ll talk more about it tomorrow because I’m ill at the moment and don’t have the energy. He’s still going to see her at school so he could still have her as a girlfriend and I’d be none the wiser. I also run the risk of him agreeing that he will keep stuff from me and continue to secretly see her. I feel like I’d be banning the word ‘girlfriend’ but it won’t change things and it doesn’t seem the right way to go.
What is the best thing to do in this situation? I am worried both about the inappropriate things and the intense attention seeking behaviour.