Angry Outbursts in 10yr old

[splodge2001]

My DD has always been demanding/controlling and not very loving. She can't actually say the words "I love you". When she's happy she's sweet but never really connects.
Recently she's been having very angry outbursts and has threatened to leave. Today I asked her very calmly if I could have a look at the video she's been watching on youtube, it triggered an outburst and she opened the front door and said she was leaving. She didn't but I think she's gearing up to it. We live in a flat in central London so it really wouldn't be a good idea.
I wonder if she's on the ASD scale I'm also wondering about BPD. She told me that she's be overjoyed if I died yesterday. Once she's over the anger she talks about normal things but absolutely won't talk about what just happened, she just starts getting angry again. I am really afraid. DH and I have been arguing for years and I think it's done damage. She's already seeing a psychologist who thinks she has difficulties with things that other children don't. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I just feel really depressed.

I dont have any advice that will be helpful i dont think but am sorry, sounds like a difficult time. It sounds like your trying yiur best. Could you ask the docter for a referral to a behaviour specialist possibly? Or jusy for advice as to what they think?

It's so hard, OP. My DS (11) also has huge angry outbursts and finds it really hard to talk about why and what he's feeling. He does talk a bit more than your DD, but not much. He says he doesn't know what he's feeling and it's too hard to talk about it. So really not much. I'm also told, he hates me, he wishes I was dead, etc. We tried counselling with Relate, which seemed to help a bit, but today was bad again. As PP said, I'm thinking about trying the GP and getting a referral, but I'm not hopeful as to how long that might take. Does the psychologist not offer anything more concrete?
Is there anything the school can offer? Our primary school offered counselling, and the SENDCO was really supportive.
It's really hard; leaves you shattered and feeling like you've utterly failed. But I keep telling myself, I have to be strong, I have to be here for him to come back to until he gets through this. take care of yourself

If you are thinking of getting her assessed for ASD and BPD you might find the Special Needs section on MN helpful. Some of the lovely MNers in there might be able to talk you through the process of getting her assessed

I would suggest going to your gp on your own and discussing these issues. She could be on the spectrum, she could have Anxiety (which my DS has and I’ve been told by his psychologist that this comes out in anger outbursts in children) it’s could be bpd. We have seen clinical psychologists, psychiatrists etc but the best I found was an educational psychologist, she put us on the right path, she also helps manage any stresses in relation to school. We have found ot and art therapy (psychotherapy) brilliant for DS. Just be careful to right therapist, get recommendations etc.