LONG POST ALERT!
My ex partner has custody of our daughter, and I have her 3 days a week. I currently pick her up from school wearing her school uniform, and then have to send her back on a Saturday, so naturally she wears clothes that I have bought her back to my ex's, and I put her school uniform in a bag for them.
The problem is, once those clothes go back, I never see them again. I keep a note of all the clothes that they have, and let them know in a polite message which particular items I need back that week. It used to be an issue, but after a lot of chasing and their usual excuses of 'I don't have them' or 'I swear I gave them back to you', I would eventually receive the clothes back - a pile of up to 20 items of clothing that had built up in their home. And when my daughter wasn't at school, she would come to already wearing regular clothes, so I could use those if needed. Over the last year though, it's got worse, and I'm just never receiving the clothes back at all.
They have custody and this is what I hear all the time - that they have custody so ALL clothes should be for their home. Like I said though, I have our daughter 3 days a week (and even more during holidays), and she needs clothes to wear when she's with me, no? Or is she expected to run around naked? So yes, of course I am more than happy for the clothes to be worn when my daughter is with them, but what they don't seem to understand is that if items of clothing leave my daughter's wardrobe here, and I don't receive them back, then funnily enough, I am left with less clothes, and eventually no clothes, and then have to go out and buy more. I am on a very low income and simply can't afford to buy new clothes every week, even from a charity shop, but to be honest I shouldn't have to anyway. I feel that they probably do understand that logic but just enjoy making things hard for me.
Recently, I've been having to let my daughter wear what she wants during day with me, and then at teatime before she goes back, rummage through her wardrobe and send her back in some old clothes which I haven't paid lots for, because they will undoubtedly disappear into thin air when she gets back to my ex's.
This is the other thing: my ex is madly disorganised, like you would not believe, and it's not like the clothes are being worn by my daughter at their home, they just disappear. My daughter tells me that she doesn't see them again once they go back there. Also, there have been times when I've sent her back in clothes which have then been worn for the rest of the day, and if I'm lucky enough to get them back, they will come back with really deep stains which have just been left for weeks so there is no chance of getting them out, or damaged, so they can't be worn again anyway.
I'm at a point now where I feel I might have to send my daughter back on a Saturday night in her school uniform. I really don't want to as it doesn't seem fair on my daughter, but I'm gradually running out of clothes for her. But then what to do I do during the holidays?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? My ex isn't someone I can talk to, I've tried that before. They don't care about me and enjoy making things difficult and seeing me struggle. We've done mediation, court, the lot, and the issue of clothes has even been brought up, but ultimately the judge hasn't been interested and it's been left to us. Solicitors have sent letters requesting clothes back, etc, but they've been ignored. They're not going to change, and generally with these things it's just a case of working around them and their behaviour as opposed to working with them.