What phone has your preteen got? Also do you set any parent controls etc?

[seriouslylong]

So my dd has an iPhone which I took away as she set up an instagram account without my permission.

I would like to give the phone back, however I would like to have more control over the phone, for example not allowing Instagram.

I once set up some parent controls on her iPad which meant she could hardly play any game etc and it wasn't so useful.

All I really want to do is block social media apps and things like that.

Any ideas?

Or is there a more suitable phone which can just text, call and WhatsApp?

And not download lots of other apps?

A. Why does a preteen need a phone (apart from a brick of strictly necessary for going out alone)?
B. Empty the phone she has, take all her permissions off it and password protect your iTunes account so it requires a password for any app installation from the app store

I find the iPhone far easier to set up as child friendly than an android one personally.

Make all apps need a password that dd doesn’t know so she can’t download them.

You can easily block social media apps but WhatsApp will come into that category.

Remove Safari if you don’t want her accessing the internet.

DD has an iphone, she got it at the end of Y6 but in secondary having a smartphone is virtually necessary for apps.

Hers is linked to DH's apple account, she can't do anything on her own so no unallowed visits to the appstore as the password is protected and she definitely won't get it.

We found it easier to control as all our devices are from apple and they interlink well.

If she is in trouble with the phone we delete whatever app is causing the problem, take the phone away if she doesn't need it (like walking to/from school) and she has to earn it back.

Works for the last 18 months.

DS11 has an old iPhone 5 of mine. We’ve set up Family controls so that every app that he wants to install has to be agreed by us. So he requests it on the App Store, and I get a message asking me to allow or decline.

It’s harder for web-based accounts... we did have Safari turned off last year, but it meant he couldn’t look anything up, so we slowed him to get that.

We also have the passcodes for security etc and he doesn’t know them.

We haven’t allowed social media (FB, insta, snapchat) yet, though he goes on YouTube and what’s app with his friends. He’s more interested in games tbh and is on a games server with lots of school friends where they chat a lot.

And we remind him that we can take his phone and look at it at any time.

Yes, use the built in parental control. If it's an iphone with the last operating system version12, it should have already all the functions you need, including screen time limit and blocking/allowing apps.
Look at the apple guide to set it: support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304

My daughters have android phones and we use the free Google Family link as parental control. It's very good, I can set maximum daily screen time, block all the new apps installation (they need my approval), filter inappropriate stuff and see their gps locations.
So I don't know the apple parental control very well but if it has not all the features you need and if you have possibility to switch to an android phone, give her one with Family link installed and you will have control about social media apps and other inappropriate stuff (this is a good guide for installation: www.docdroid.net/hJdK64Q/familylink-installation-guide.pdf).

Same as wallywallywally here. We use family sharing so I have to approve all apps that she downloads and any purchases. It’s easy to set up and means that she cannot download an app without your permission. But she can have any app that you approve, so not as limiting as parental controls.

For anyone using Google family link know the kids can learn how to override it if you leave them to watch YouTube. Anyone having this problem with the I phone parental controls? Also do you yourself need an I phone if you want to control your child's?

I use iPact. I can remotely allow/disable access to apps, while stil leaving her in possession of her phone. There is a monthly fee, but worth it imo.

Google Family Link here - allows me to approve all apps before downloading. Also can block apps eg I have blocked Google Chrome completely. I can put limits on things too eg games. Told DS (age 11) he must allow access to phone whenever I ask and I occasionally look at his WhatsApp but it’s reassuringly dull! His phone is a Samsung A80 I think, mine is iPhone but google family link works on both.

Dd is year 5 she won't be getting one until senior school.

My 10 Yr old won't be getting her own phone until secondary and it won't be a smart phone even then.

No one at school has one (year 5) so she's not odd at all luckily!

We have a filter set on our home WiFi that blocks certain websites.
We also have Microsoft family which gives us a report of what websites and apps each child has been using. I am glad we did this as we discovered one of the DCs age 11 had tried to look at something inappropriate. So we were able to talk about it after and explain why they shouldn’t have done this.
I think it’s a tricky balance. You want to allow some freedom so they can communicate with friends etc. It’s such a big part of their social lives now. If you don’t allow anything they will be resentful and angry. But you also have to monitor it so carefully, as they just don’t have the maturity or judgement yet to manage social media properly. Like putting videos of themselves online - they just don’t think of long-term consequences.

Parenting pre-teens and teens is so hard isn’t it! Babies now seem a doddle....

PS one advantage of getting a phone in Y6 as opposed to waiting until secondary is it gives time for the novelty to wear off, and for them to get used to handling things like social media / online friendship issues etc before they get to secondary. DD got one in Y6 but I would only allow certain apps and games (eg not Snapchat / Ticktock). And I NEVER allowed her to have it in her room at night. There were some tricky issues with friends and messages which was a steep learning curve, for both us us. Anyway by Y7 she felt confident with the phone to handle these kinds of things and didn’t get drawn into spats with her new friends at secondary. But she’s quite level headed anyway.

In contrast, her friend - who wasn’t allowed a phone until secondary - was getting into all sorts of issues on social media, messaging her all hours, sending round endless chain messages etc.

They don’t learn these skills overnight, they need guidance.

Mine aged 11 and 13 have Sony Xperias. I pay a subscription to Screen Time app which covers as many devices as you like, so at the moment it covers three tablets and two phones. You can put daily limits, different at weekends, you can exclude certain apps from the limits eg mine can use the Kindle app as much as they like, and can always text or phone so they are not cut off in case of emergency. You can set bedtimes and other times when the device doesn't work if you want to eg dinner times. You can also allow extra time whenever you like, or set it up that they can do chores or tasks eg piano practice, to gain more time. All of this can be done via my own phone so I don't ever have to physically take theirs away (though we do also have a family rule that all phones charge downstairs overnight). I highly recommend this app. They seem to accept the restrictions more than if it was me telling them they need to switch off now - the phone just doesn't work and they put it down and move onto something else. If it was me telling them, there'd be a "just five more minutes" type argument every time.

Mine also have only payg and mobile data switched off, so that they can only use the internet when they are at home or at school on wifi. They mostly use WhatsApp for their never-ending conversations of nonsense with friends, as it is free when on wifi.

oh yes also screentime can be set to require permission to download new apps, block apps, or just let you see what apps they have downloaded and how long they spent on them.

I have also had conversations with mine about why we have these restrictions when none of their friends seem to - that even adults (including myself) find it hard to get off the phone because it's addictive. So it's about making sure they have a varied life where they do plenty of different things, not just being mean.

DD has a iPhone 6, she has to request permission to download any apps, games/YouTube etc are only available between set hours and only for a certain amount of hours a day.

However I find screen time reports haven’t been working lately and neither have some of the time limits, has anyone else had this problem and solved it?