No friends at school

[Blueace123]

Hi all. I have two daughters. Where the older one sailed through school being Miss Popular, my youngest has had problems making friends. She always played by herself during lunchtime and was only invited to two parties throughout primary school. She is now in year 9 and turned 13 on Friday, and nothing has changed! I now understand that she is being bullied because of she is soft spoken and gentle. My questions are....1. Are there any parents here with a problem like this? And what did you do about it. 2. Is there a group of parents with this issue? I look forward to hearing from people. Thanks.

What does your daughter want to do about it?

What is she lacking? Confidence? Social skills? Does she want friends?

I’d follow her lead and get to the root of the issue first

Hi Green Tulip, she definitely wants friends because she is lonely. And I really am not sure what she's lacking. She gets on with adults just fine. All her teachers love her and she really is the sweetest girl, so I am not sure what the problem is. When I mention this to her teachers, they seem a bit surprised as they see her as a confident focused girl. So I am really confused.

Have you thought about moving schools? She might not be the right fit for the school ethos and dynamic

I feel maybe it's a slight social awkwardness especially around her peers. Because it was the same when I put her in a school in Texas for six weeks. I am just praying for her to connect with another child just like her.

How is the popularity of one of your daughters relevant

Hi my dd is having problems. Her problem is more she’s quite vocal when she thinks people are being unfair and seems to make her an easy target. She was crying last night saying she wished the bullying would stop and all she wants is friends she can rely on. Instead they make fun of her saying she has no friends and follow her in the playground taking the piss. She is saying they are hiding her outdoor shoes again to get a reaction out of her. Teacher have said she’s on her own but it’s like FFS I can’t sit with her at school. Do something to help her feel included. Intending to go to the school as it’s been going on 4 years now. It’s a big class so I thought she’d find her niche and click with someone but all they groups of girls roll their eyes and see them looking down their nose as she’s getting on a bus. I bumped into a girl who said her dd was being teased etc. She used to be her BF but on an outing I took them to. Trampoline park it was obvious she didn’t want to be friends with my dd. It’s awful but girls at this age are horrible. I know they’re all trying to fit into this world and navigate social situations but some girls seem to come off worse than others. I was they same at that age and only really found proper friends At uni when everyone finally grew up!!!!

I am so sorry your daughter is having a hard time. I am having a similar problem with my son. He is 12. When he was younger he made friends so easily. At school he had loads of friends but the older he got the less friends he seemed to have. I thought it was because of me. The mums were very clicky at his primary school and I did not fit in with them and thought that this was why he was getting less play dates or friends wanting to go out with him. He is such a sweetheart, he is kind and funny, his teachers at his secondary school adore him and say in the class he interacts with other children well and they seem to think he is quite popular. When he comes home it’s a different story. None of his friends answer his calls and if there is a group of kids some say they don’t like him so won’t go with the kids who are his friends. He just wants to go out and hang out with the boys but no one seems to want to. He came home crying today because he says no one likes him. I just don’t know what to do. He plays for a football team and does extra football training and seems to get on with the lads in his team but non want to play with him on the Xbox or meet up with him. He loves mine and my husband’s company but he is also lonely. I worry that that I have passed my social awkwardness on to him. Just don’t know what to do. Hoping if someone has some good advice for you that they might have some for me.