Not to tell aunt that cousin is embarrassed of her age

[blubelle7]

A bit of background. My aunt(DA) is 56 and has one daughter (DCo - my cousin) who is 11 years old. DCo and my DS1 go to the same school. I often pick up DCo and DS1 from school and activities as DA is often busy and travels for work. I have been ferrying DCo around most of the school holiday as am on maternity leave.

I took DCo out 10 pin bowling last week with her friends but had to leave halfway, when something came up. I called DA to come if possible, but she was busy so said her DH would come. I pulled DCo aside to explain why DS3 and I had to leave and told her dad would be coming. Long story short, I leave to take a call and come back to overhear DCo referring to me as her SM and dad's partner and DA as her nan, not her mum. I ignore the situation, her dad arrives and leave.

Yesterday I am taking DCo to her dance class (with the same friendship group from last week) and ask her what she meant when talking to her friends and why she was lying to her friends. DCo bursts into tears and she basically said she is embarrassed of her mum being "too old", and older than her friends' mums. She says her friends' mums are my age (I'm 29) and since I do the pick up everyone thinks I'm her SM (since she calls me by name) and DS3 is her baby brother, and begs me not to tell her mum, dad or friends as she doesn't want to hurt her mum's feelings. She says she hates it when DA comes to school as it embarrasses her.

DA is 56 and looks it (not in a disparaging way - but can we just as women be allowed to age naturally without having to suck, pluck and inject everything), she dresses well and is very put together and quite attractive. DA's (DCo's dad) DH is in his 40s and looks very young and athletic.

Cue long conversation about real friends not caring, how unfair it is to mum, that all these superficial things don't matter and DA loves her so much and not to entertain friends who make fun of her for such silly things.

My heart was broken hearing this. Honestly is this normal? DH thinks I should tell DA but I'm torn. Why is the world so cruel, ageist and anti-women?

Speak to your niece and tell her there's nothing to be ashamed of- it's not unusual for preteen to have parents in their 50's at all!

I've had a similar, yet opposite, issue with my DD- I was 19 when I had her and although I'm now early thirties I look 25. She was embarrassed that I look different from her other friends mums who are in their early 40s!

Where I live, there are very few mums who had dc in 20’s early 30’s. The majority round here had children in late 30’s, early 40’s.

No one bats an eyelid at 50 year olds in the primary school playground.

Don’t feed Persea, who thinks you shouldn’t have a child in case you embarrass it at some point. Which means no one should ever reproduce, as clearly the OP’s niece’s 11year Old friends with mothers aged 30 got knocked up in their teens. How embarrassing.

OP, maybe point out to your niece that there’s a strong correlation between high levels of education and income and being an older mother.

Ashile, l like your post.