Pre teen development / behaviour

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I have an 11 year old son just about to start secondary school.
He’s still very very young for his age.
He acts and talks more like a 8 year old however is very intelligent and polite.
He still likes to watch fireman Sam etc.
But then will also watch programmes about bailiffs and police chases.
He tells on any kid possible if they’re doing wrong. And is very much a follower of rules and having to do things by certain times etc (which has been installed in him by his step mum)
He loves playing with the younger kids aged 6-9 but doesn’t know how to act in front of kids his own age. And sometimes comes across as annoying to them. He cries a lot for the smallest of things and asks to be taken doctors over things like a spot or a bump.

He has a step brothers aged 11,7,8. The 11 year old shares a Room with him and is very much into football and PlayStation. Everything my son hates.

At his dads house his gf runs the show. She follows the nhs guidelines for his bedtimes etc (she has no kids herself) she still calls me mummy. And I’m pretty sure she is the problem. With her everything is timed. Planned to a T and she doesn’t like it if she’s not in control.

Of course I want my son to grow up in his own time but want to make sure he’s ready for secondary school as I’m worried he’ll get bullied.

My daughter recently turned 10. We are experiencing major behaviour problems. Lots of writing all over the bedroom walls. Most are not very nice to read. I feel lost and confused as to what's happening to her. Any advice

Could you sit and have a chat with him about what it's like at high school and discuss that he will meet friends but some people aren't very nice and he will need to be tough.
I'm sure he will find his way, it's awful but they do grow up so much during that first term xx

She’s not the problem. Some kids are pretty immature. He’s on the cusp and probably finding it all confusing. I’m not sure what you can do - unfortunately kids who are a bit different can be targets. I’d there a head if pastoral care at his new school? Maybe ask to see them before term starts (they’ll be there for a few days before) and ask for advice.

Didn't wish to read and run but this might not be any help, but here I go.

My sons recently 12, and he is 100% the other side of the coin to your son, he much prefers the company of those 14/15, I find that he had literally skipped preteen years at times! What id say is speak to pastoral and his step mum, and ensure all your concerns are conveyed to them.

What's the situation now OP? I'd love to hear how the lad is as of now.

He’s still the same. Hasn’t started secondary school yet. He will in September.
I’ve done the sitting and talking with him but he has an attitude atm of he knows everything about anything 🤔. He says everyone will be friendly there and the teachers always keep a look out. He’s very naive.

I’ve sent an email to the school but as they’re on holiday im yet to have a reply.

I’ve tried pointing out to him when he is annoying and why but no matter how many times he always thinks he knows best.

I’ve always brought him up to be caring and helpful to others and that he has been. He’s won awards for doing cpr on a man who had a heart attack when he was 7 years old.
He’s also raised money for kids in Africa because he felt sorry for them not having clean water. He’s amazing.

He has 3 step brothers who always fight, play football and are “boys”.
If I tell one of them off my son Will sometimes go and do something for me like make a bed or hoover or clean something. (never ask him to) it’s like his way of trying to make me happy lol.

I guess I’m going to have to wait for the school to email me back and hope he picks up on peoples cues when they say he’s annoying them.

Oh and I can’t talk to the step mum. She’s very stubborn and very set in her ways.
As I said I have asked her numerous times to use mum rather than mummy when referring to me but she won’t.

He does sound lovely. I'd take a wait and see approach. He may well (like my gentle son) find a couple of similar boys at school and buddy up with them. He never seemed as 'grown up' as his sisters. To my surprise, lots of boys his age were the same. Sort of 'younger' if you know what I mean.

As for bed-times and what you're to be referred to as, that's a matter for you. And his father. But I get that sometimes you have to decide between picking a battle and banging your head against a wall...

Kids grow up so fast. My 9yo is more like the stepbrother you describe as he's into gaming and football and his attitude is very teenaged ( rude and aggressive)!!

Fortunately he can still be quite lovely / affectionate and obviously gets very emotional very upset.

I would wish for your son to grow up quickly. He will do it in his own time. I get that bullying could be a problem. But equally why should he have to adopt football and gaming as a passion just because everyone else does?

Sorry that should stay wouldn't wish

I don't think you're being fair to blame his step mum it sounds like it's just his nature. Everybody matures at different rates.
Keep chatting to him about the things you can see are annoying - telling tales never makes anyone popular, and being a cry- baby is likely to make him an easy target but just let him be and keep your fingers crossed he finds similar Mayes at school.

Hi OP, it's now September, how has he settled in now he's in?