Hoping for some advice. This is going to be quite long, apologies. The most relevant bit is at the end, if you want to skip.
DD (9) is stuck in a very negative mindset. She has been referred to CAMHS as school think she has some form of depression. She seems to enjoy life in the moment when something entertaining is happening, but will always find something to criticise. She dislikes her teacher every year (different teacher every year). Always has something negative to say about other children in the class. Complains that school is boring. Out of school too. Complains about each of the extra-curricular activities (she does 3, once a week each). You get the idea.
I try talking positively to her, show her the good things in her life. Read a couple of books with her about positive mindset. Correct behaviour (she is often engaged in low level disruption in school). Get her to repeat positive statements. Constantly offer praise and support.
Anyway, although I would welcome advice on how to break this cycle, I really came on here for something specific: she is not coping well with puberty. She has breast buds, very smelly underarms, a bit of fuzzy pubic hair ... and she hates all of it. She can't stand the thought of having to deal with periods, wear a bra, generally have a woman's body. Again, I've been very positive and encouraging about it. We've had lots of talks about what to expect. I've recently ordered a book to talk through together. But really it's not a question of her knowing what to expect, she's clued up enough on the physical changes (and hormones etc.), it's her attitude to it.
The problem is not just emotional. She doesn't wash properly - I'm constantly having to nag her to wash under her arms, and she can go into the bathroom 5 or 6 times and then come out obviously still unwashed. But she won't let me come in and supervise/do it for her. She has frequent showers but doesn't actually wash in them (no idea what she actually does, maybe masturbates, maybe just messes around). She is also chronically messy, e.g. shoving clean clothes in a corner or the wardrobe instead of hanging them up, shoving dirty socks and underwear down the side of the bed, sneaking chocolates she shouldn't have and hiding the wrappers in her room.
I'm quite concerned that if this doesn't get sorted before her periods start she'll not be able to take care of herself.
I don't want to give the impression everything about our relationship is bad. She is a lovely girl, has many good qualities, and we generally get on well. But I am very worried about these issues, especially with regards to her physical care.
TIA for any suggestions! And congratulations if you managed to read all this.