To move or not to move

[HoppityEaster]

Dear Mumsnetters, I’m needing a hand hold and some advice please and I can’t really talk to anyone about this IRL. I am mum to a lovely kind and sensitive 10 year old boy. He can be quite quiet and reserved and won’t push himself forward or shout above the other boys to be heard. He has always been like this and takes any taunts or wise cracks to heart and won’t stick up for himself. He prefers one on one friends or a small group. On the positive he is the most loving and caring boy and would be devastated if he hurt or offended anyone. He is super kind and loves out and about but also needs down time away from everyone which we make sure we get him. Up until recently he has been fairly popular with a good set of friends but recently I feel he has been gradually getting left out of things (party invites, group texts etc) and I think a couple of things have happened to make his confidence take a big dip. Firstly we found out his friend was bullying him, which we think we fixed and we moved house into a smaller estate in which none of his friends live and there are few children his age here. Resulting in today him being upset and wanting to move back to his old estate so he can go out and about and in for his friends. I’m not sure what I need advice on more, is this the age friendships change and this is just all part of growing up and finding their way (as DH insists) or should I get the estate agent in tomorrow and move back. My heart is breaking for him as I can see him being sad and I feel helpless and at a loss as what to do. I can’t be the only parent of a sensitive child out there so if anyone has any works of wisdom and expertise then I would love to hear it.

At ten he is likely to be going to secondary school soon and even long established friendships are likely to be disrupted. Many of them drop friends like hot potatoes. I would maybe see if he can go to a local scout group and make some friends nearby as well as his school friends. Arrange a few sleepovers, trips out etc. I wouldn't go to all the expense of moving again.

Hi shouldwe, he has another year before secondary school and can't wait to go, hopefully he will meet his tribe there. We do friends over and sometimes a sleepover but I find sometimes with certain friends he struggles for what to say or do with them, they might just be growing apart? He does a sport but it's a solo sport but he loves it and it keeps him busy. Scouts might be a good shout to meet more boys in the area.

I would go with broadening opportunities to meet friends who might be in his secondary school locally. It doesn't sound as if the kids in his current school are best buddies for life, rather friends of convenience. You could move only for him to make completely new friends in a year. It is hard though with a sensitive child, almost anything can set them off, but they can't have major decisions such as moving house being made to just reduce their anxiety.

Are there any neighbours with similar aged children whom you could have over for a BBQ / drinks to get to know them? Even if their child is not like your ds they might know some from school who they would get on with.

There are hardly any kids his age here and we are quite new to the estate so don't know many people yet. It's causing me anxiety now as I feel guilty for moving him away. Do you have a sensitive child shouldwe?

I do have a sensitive child, but we are trying to build his resilience. Encouraging him to take the long view in terms of set backs - will you remember this this time next week/ month/ year. He goes to different clubs with people away from school. He doesn't usually play out and doesn't have close friends nearby but he has friends over to play after school. He will find his place, and with my older dc I have found they are generally happier at secondary school and find their tribe. I guess it depends on the school though. Their schools are good matches for them.