Dd kicking off about restricted screen use

[twosoups1972]

Dd is 12 (Year 7) and have had many a row about screen time since she got her phone at end of Year 6. I've tried nagging, discussing and compromising with her, using Qustodio (I didn't like it). She is on the ASD spectrum and hates me nagging her and blows up very easily.

So I've now discovered I can restrict her phone use from her own phone (iPhone). I've allowed her 1.5 hours per school day and 2 hours for weekends and holidays.

Firstly do you think this is reasonable?

Secondly, how do I deal with her kicking off and asking me questions that she actually wants answers to, eg 'why are you so mean to me?' 'Suppose I need my phone in an emergency?'

Get rid of the iphone and get erone where she ca phone and text, she doesn't need any more than that for school and emergencies.

Maybe let her have the iphone at weekends.

What is the purpose of her having a phone? My DS is in year 6 and just got a phone at Christmas. He uses it to message friends, play games and watch YouTube. The phone has a restriction on between 9pm and 6am but other than that it's up to him how much he uses it. If he's been playing a game for too long I let him know he needs to have a break. All parental controls are set up and he knows I spot check it whenever I want to. We've luckily had no problems so far. Have you? Is this why you need to set the restrictions because the usage was getting out of control?

Have you? Is this why you need to set the restrictions because the usage was getting out of control?

Yes, I'm fed up nagging her. I know she's exhausted after school and need some down time with her phone/TV but over an hour later she's still there and I want her to get homework sorted before dinner.

She's allowed WhatsApp but no other social media at the moment.

Because of the ASD, she finds it hard to handle her emotions and often sees things as very black and white.

Have you written a social story about the use of the phone and reasons for restrictions?

I would also make visuals of the rules about the phone.

I would make phone use each day contingent on no kicking off over restrictions the previous day IYSWIM- kick off at phone finish time today, no phone tomorrow. This would also need to be in social story though, so she can fully process it when calm.

What's a social story?

reef should add that dd is in denial about the diagnosis and refuses to discuss it. She's the youngest of 3 girls (older two are 16 and nearly 18) and sees it as unfair that I don't formally restrict their use. But they were much more biddable at a younger age and I didn't have to nag them.

Have you had any support and made any adjustments for her autism?

Have a read up on social stories, there is information on the internet. They are a way of helping people with autism process information. There is no need to say 'you are autistic so have this'. It's just a different way to present the information about phone use.

My dd is autistic and she is 11. She has her iPad whenever she wants but I restrict how much time she can spend on particular apps like YouTube and mine craft. Other than that she uses it for audiobooks and music and she makes films and takes photos. Why not just restrict some of the apps but not the phone completely? That way she won't feel so controlled. When I was a kid my mum wouldn't have restricted how much I read or listened to music or how much the tv was on in the house our kids just have more options than we did.

Thank you mum. Do you think you would put the same restrictions in place if she wasn’t autistic?

Dd uses her phone mainly for chatting with friends on WhatsApp and watching You Tube videos, mainly dance. That’s a good idea to just restrict certain apps. Recently she’s just bought herself a waterproof speaker for the shower so I’ve had to add extra time anyway as it’s on Bluetooth and can listen to music in the bathroom. I suppose it’s about having a few rules but having some flexibility too.

I probably wouldnt have the exact same restrictions if she was a neuro typical child but there would still be restrictions. Eg she also has a learning disability and is only beginning to read. A have restricted safari completely from the iPad because she wouldn't be able to use it responsibly. She also doesn't have WhatsApp or FaceTime. If she was NT she would probably need safari for homework and I might allow FaceTime or WhatsApp.