Sons playing X Box

[Teacher18]

I’m looking for advice or other people’s experiences of children and computer games, well screen time generally.

I have 2 DSs, 10 and 6. My dad bought the elder an X Box one 2 years ago for Christmas which of course DS was over the moon about., me not so much. After a few months I noticed he was jumping on it first thing in the morning, again straight after school and at the weekend if we weren’t doing something with him. Basically he had no ‘off’ button. He only plays Minecraft, FIFA and Fortnite (his dad got conned into that one) and has one friend from school he is connected with and can talk to through the damn thing.

When I took stock of how much time he was spending playing and saw my younger son was always watching him or playing as well, I banned any play during the week and have a limit at the weekend. They’ve had this in place for about 18 months and after kicking off for a day or 2 accepted it.

The issue is that they don’t seem to be able to entertain themselves for long without a screen. They play for 10-20 minutes and then keep asking me, ‘What do we do now.’ ‘Can we go on the TV yet?’ At 6 and 10 it almost feels like they don’t have the imagination to just play and are just interested in ready made entertainment.

Now, I’m being a bit harsh as they do sometimes go off and read if there’s nothing else, they both play a lot of sport outside school but even when friends come over they all ask just to play on that machine! Is this common? Has anyone found a solution that works for them? I work with teens every day who tell me how many ridiculous hours they spend gaming and how they go to bed in the early hours of the morning which leaves them too tired for school. I really don’t want the boys going that way. Am I being paranoid and overthinking it?

I have a DS, 12, and have noticed similar; and I don't think that you are being paranoid or over-thinking it. One thing that becomes increasingly difficult is to explain is what's wrong with spending all that time on a screen, when that is what they see happening all around them.

Well done for limiting the time, but I agree that the pressure then moves to when can they access the games. My DS has discovered WarHammer and goes to our local Games Workshop to play once a week; but then wants to watch others play it on YouTube! I have tried a couple of things with some success: play the XBox games with them and/or come up with other games that they (you) might like. Commonsense Media, although a US site, has some interesting and useful info on games. Also v important, and pretty basic but hard to do, is to model the behaviour that you want. I had to have a word with DH as he would sit in the study playing games and listening to the radio, but then criticise DS for playing games for hours. I have also realised that I need to put in real effort, imagination, and time and spend it with DS doing something interesting - with the hope that this will then spark him to self-generate play! Will watch this thread with interest to see what others suggest!

Same problem here with DS (11). He has no self regulation at all so we regulate for him. He has 1 hour a day on the Xbox and that is it otherwise he would be on the damn thing night and day.
Even when not on it he talks about it endlessly. Does my head in.

Same problem with DS12 and now DSD who is 11. Hes on PS4 all the time, but only recently started to shun other activities more regularly - he was home last weekend instead of at his dads and granted he had a cold but he changed his mind on an already agreed trip to Manchester to spend his Christmas and birthday money, lunch at his favourite sushi bar etc. He was 'tired' and didn't want to 'go out'. He thought this meant he could play on his PS4 all day. His Dad and I have had to have yet another sit down chat about it today, as it's taking over his life. He needs to learn to self regulate and find other things to do that don't involve a screen. Grandad going to try and get him out this week during the holidays, doing things he likes, like building fires and getting mucky. He usually loves this but has lately started to moan about it. Now the nights are lighter, we go to our park with the football or bat and ball. I'd fo anything to go back to a time before they had screens! Or rather, before I allowed them! DSD does nothing but play on her phone, she comes to our house and sits with it plugged in. Mind you, DP is constantly on his too and doesn't seem at all bothered, so I'm fighting a losing battle. She turns down playing out with our neighbour who is school year older but less savvy and still enjoys going out on her bike etc. I long for them to find a hobby they enjoy which means they do other things!

@Crusoe, my DS asked the other week if he could have his PS4 in his room. Oh how I laughed!