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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

AIBU confronting my sons bully

15 replies

TriciaH87 · 22/03/2019 18:11

My eldest is 12 and in high school. I have spoke to school several times but not much done. Even sent in letters to no avail. He has came home with bruises several times and i have photographed them as evidence should i need to take it further. Yesterday i was walking home with my youngest he is almost 9 and he pointed this child out as remembered him from school last year. I then told this child that if he continues to assault my son I will be taking my photos to the police along with the records of dates to the police and press charges. This was in a public place lots of passing people and kids going from school in both directions. I was stood in front of him a wall to my right but room either side for him to walk round. Now his making out i touched him which I LIKE TO MAKE VERY CLEAR I DID NOT. I am more than happy for his parents to talk to me if his spoke to them and show them why i confronted him. My son has came home in tears today as this child is making out i will go to prison etc. Have finally calmed him down after explaining what happened as eldest was not there. Was I correct to confront him? Normally i would have let school deal with it but when its to the point my son does not want to go to school and this child has on and off picked on him for 5 years enough is enough. I am worried about the male suicide rate especially in teen boys and feel someone needed to step in. Surely as his mum its down to me?

OP posts:

MissConductUS · 22/03/2019 18:18

I don't think this is going to go anywhere, but it would have been wiser to go straight to the police. Your child was assaulted.

CCquavers · 22/03/2019 18:21

Go to the police and the school (again) with your evidence. Get in there first. I doubt anything will come of it. Unfortunately it looks like The Bully has had his ego knocked and is upping his bullying.

Springiscomingsoon · 22/03/2019 18:30

You'll having people on here agreeing and disagreeing. But it's what most of us would WANT to do so I say good for you.
I always point out on these types of threads that you may have no control over the bully but you can have a lot of positive input for you dc at home. I recommend this book (hopefully pic posts). Never underestimate the way you talk about the awful situations with your dc and the language you use and the way this can help or have an even more negative impact. I never let my ds feel like a victim and never used negative language that put him down (I feel if you label a child a victim it doesn't help and if you label the child being horrible 'bully' it gives them more power in your dc mind).

Original poster

TriciaH87 · 22/03/2019 19:46

Putting him into boxing classes to build his confidence i think and so he can stand up for himself

OP posts:

Smileymoon · 22/03/2019 19:49

He bullied your son and note you've bullied him. Only he is a 12 year old boy and you are an adult.

Smileymoon · 22/03/2019 19:50

'now' not 'note'.

GreenTulips · 22/03/2019 19:53

Bullying is a long term intentional acts to humiliate another person

A one off speaking isn’t bullying.

OP was factual and on point

It’s not recommended to do this, and I’m surprised more people don’t!

Hopefully this will pass.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/03/2019 19:56

I confronted my sons bully last night online it didn't go well

wigglypiggly · 22/03/2019 19:57

It wasnt your 12 yo son who is being bullied who pointed him out, your 9 yo didnt need to get involved. I understand why you did what you did but I would take the photos to the school and ask for an official meeting with the head and his parents, I would probably also involve the police if your son is being assaulted. Dont ,leave it any longer, this should be dealt with now before it escalates.

Original poster

TriciaH87 · 22/03/2019 20:03

@Smileymoon i was not bullying him. I was merely warning him that his actions will have consequences in future as if he does so again i will prosecute him. No one grabs my son round the neck. Child or adult and i will be frank with you in that if one of my boys ever dared treat a child the way he is and the parent did the same i would tell my child it serves them wright for being a bully. No one should be scared to go to school.

OP posts:

Bringbackthestripes · 22/03/2019 20:04

Not something I would have done, no matter how much I wanted to. The bully now has more ammunition for bullying your son - mum fighting your battles for you/you mum is going to get in trouble for speaking to me - I would make an appointment ASAP to speak to the school and take a copy of dates & incidences along with pictures and also take a copy to police or CSO.

Motherofcreek · 22/03/2019 20:11

I may have done the same.

Tillytoes1 · 23/03/2019 22:04

I can completely understand why you did it, as I wanted to as well when I was in this situation three weeks ago. When my son came home from school and explained to me that another boy punched him in the eye and the head three times and the stomach, I was fuming and all sorts of emotions took over, anger mostly. The school phoned me and told me about the situation before my son even arrived home, they were very good at dealing with the situation and have put safe guarding steps in place since, they also told me to report it to the police, as it has a bigger impact, the policeman was great and visited the boy in school and told him if it was to happen again then he would face charges, as they’re criminally responsible from the age of 10 and my son has had no problems since that day. I don’t feel that taking action yourself will resolve the situation and you have to be very careful as 12 year olds can and do exaggerate situations, leaving you vulnerable to charges yourself, as you said he accused you of touching him, when you didn’t. The school and police are very good at handling these situations and in most cases will deal with it effectively, in order to prevent it from happening again. I can completely understand why you did confront the boy though, as parents we don’t want to see our children being hurt.

BigFatGiant · 23/03/2019 22:10

Well you clearly didn’t think that one through. Bullied have to be handled with care. If the school are failing to control him he probably has no fear of random adults. You would have been better off going straight to the police.

fikel · 23/03/2019 22:18

You’re human, you haven’t done anything wrong but given him an opportunity to stop.
Back in the 70s, a very different time, I was followed by a much older girl after school, she would kick me and make my legs bleed. I would change my route home but she would always find me.
One day my mum laid in wait for her, grabbed hold of her and in no uncertain terms told her what she would do to her if she laid another finger on me.
The girl never bothered me again funnily enough.
As a mother your primal instinct is to protect your child

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